Distraction, Distraction!

Man, trying to get one's shit together sucks. I've put it off for long enough though, but man, it's hard to get excited about situations you don't want to be in and places you wish you weren't. I've never been a "make do with what you've got" kind of person...I always need bigger and better and more....I should just get "Never Satisfied" screened onto a t-shirt and wear it all the time.



So I'm pretty sure I'm selling my car and getting something more practical. That thing eats gas like I eat prescription drugs...hurrr. Blue-book value on it is about $3,200, which isn't bad at all for a 14 year old car, but I'll probably sell it for less than that. Know any soccer moms?



Having goals is a new thing for me...I mean I haven't gotten them all worked out yet but I think I have some sort of direction at least. Garrett helped me work out some sort of plans the other day over pots and pots of IHOP coffee. Saw Byron too that day which was neat.

Powered by ScribeFire.

A bit of a test...

I installed this new firefox-extension ScribeFire and finally got it to even authorize my Blogger account after a week or so of trying, so I'm just playing around with it right now to see how well it works and if it would actually be something useful. Carry on.

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Links for 2007-03-30 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-30 [del.icio.us]

• ¡Los encuentros mas esperados del siglo! | MetaFilter
  Yayayayayay! Super Amigos!
• Book Covers
  Pretty interesting blog about book-cover design.
• www.jenslekman.com/myspace
  Jens rules. Taking the name myspace and making it literal rules as well.

Links for 2007-03-29 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-29 [del.icio.us]

• ART GONE POSTAL | The Envelope Collective

Guess you could say I gave you my edge..

Here's some stuff I've learned in the past 24 hours or so:
-Dark Angel is a really, REALLY ridiculously shitty show
-Nixon used to make decisions as president based on the recommendation of psychics
-LIO is a super cute, very funny comic (thanks Garth!)
-Reading The Dharma Bums is like having someone stoned tell you their life stories...not alltogether unenjoyable really

Also Bas made me make a Facebook account...que la fuck? Ha.

Links for 2007-03-27 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-27 [del.icio.us]

• Sofá de Lego « No puedo creer que lo hayan inventado…
  Lego Sofa! So Cool!

This is my new response to every "How are you?"...

from:ICANHASCHEEZBURGER
Also I decided yesterday that being a hermit is a "lifestyle choice" so now I feel validated instead of lame...right....

New Photo Albums

Club Fashion Whore

Margarita Monday

Picture-perfect, numb belligerence....

So I know I usually do the lyrics + mp3 posts but today I decided to go with a video. I've been listening to the album Thirteenth Step a lot lately, by A Perfect Circle, and something about is just amazing and beautiful to me. Anyway, the song "The Outsider" really began resonating with me this weekend, as I was driving to and from Hillcrest, for so many different reasons. The video for the song is awesome and I went looking for that to post but instead I found them doing the song live on some show and it's really good. I was lucky enough to see A Perfect Circle on their first tour after the release of Mer de Noms and I just think they're such a great live band.


A Perfect Circle - The Outsider Lyrics

Help me if you can
It's just that this
is not the way i'm wired so
could you please

Help me understand why
you've given in to all these
reckless dark desires your

Lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, why do I wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadance

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you want to throw it away like this
Such a mess, why do I wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, come to this, come to this

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
Do it somewhere far away from here

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!

So Desi invited me out to this club thing last night...I had a fun time, the "club" was lame as all hell though...instead of writing about it, I'm just going to paste my conversation I had with Bas about it earlier today:

(15:48:49) primaluxsum: also i went to possibly the stupidest club last night
(15:49:25) Bas: do tell
(15:49:26) primaluxsum: but then i met a big black man who dressed as some sort of "old big black woman" drag queen
(15:49:42) primaluxsum: and a homeless man who like to smoke weed and hated george w bush
(15:49:43) primaluxsum: haha
(15:50:04) primaluxsum: like desi was referred to this club thing cause it was like "fashion" crap
(15:50:16) primaluxsum: like they have a fashion show during the club and all of this
(15:50:26) primaluxsum: so she went down there to do makeup and like network and whatnot
(15:50:43) primaluxsum: so me and chris went with her and our friend ryan showed up too
(15:50:54) primaluxsum: and like...it was in this tiny dive bar
(15:50:59) primaluxsum: that looked like an old strip club
(15:51:06) primaluxsum: called "the san diego sports bar"
(15:51:10) primaluxsum: and it was all old dudes
(15:51:19) primaluxsum: it was chill...also it was in the back of an alley
(15:51:20) primaluxsum: hahaha
(15:51:41) primaluxsum: and then like...in the back of the bar they just hung big black curtains and behind that was the "club"
(15:51:49) primaluxsum: and it was the stupidest thing ever
(15:51:54) primaluxsum: we were all like "what the fuck"
(15:51:55) primaluxsum: haha
(15:52:14) primaluxsum: so we just got drunk and made fun of hipsters having to mingle with "old drunks"
(15:52:14) primaluxsum: hahaha
(15:52:26) primaluxsum: and these girls seriously thought they were straight up the shit
(15:52:30) primaluxsum: all of the "models"
(15:52:32) primaluxsum: it was hilarious
(15:52:50) primaluxsum: and i kept going out to smoke and never actually saw the "fashion show"
(15:52:51) primaluxsum: hahaha
(15:53:01) Bas: hahaha
(15:53:04) primaluxsum: but according to chris a few girls walked around on stage
(15:53:10) primaluxsum: but they didn't have lights on them or anything
(15:53:13) Bas: lol
(15:53:17) primaluxsum: so they could've been naked for all you knew
(15:53:18) primaluxsum: haha
(15:53:59) Bas: :(
(15:54:07) primaluxsum: but i finagled some free drinks out of dumb dudes
(15:54:20) primaluxsum: and it was a good time
(15:54:28) Bas: hahaha
(15:54:34) primaluxsum: also i seriously looked like a hooker
(15:54:39) primaluxsum: i think there are pictures somewhere
(15:54:49) primaluxsum: cause it was an "80's" theme
(15:54:55) primaluxsum: and like me desi and ryan went all out with it
(15:55:18) primaluxsum: and then we get there and all of the chicks were like..wearing normal clothes and would just put like "leg warmers" on or something
(15:55:27) primaluxsum: cause you know...they still have to look hip after all


It was super silliness. Going out and hanging with friends was rad though.Yay for that. There will be pictures soon.

Links for 2007-03-21 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-21 [del.icio.us]

• Language Log: Interlingual taboos
  I know I'm a language dork but this is such a great article....very funny and entertaining.
• blog.myspace.com/brianposehn
  Brian Posehn's blog posts never fail to make me laugh like a child...especially cause I can totally hear him saying it all in my head, in his crazy, 14-year-old boy going through pubert-yesque voice.

Links for 2007-03-20 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-20 [del.icio.us]

• Gay Romeo ballet gives Juliet kiss-off-News-UK-TimesOnline
  Seriously.....ballet about a gay romeo & juliet story...possibly the gayest thing ever conceived...certainly gayer than two men fucking. Haha.
• Nintendo Mario Kart DS Track Race Set: WowZzers! Surprise someone today with cool rc toys, gadgets, gizmos and other great gift ideas for fun lifestyle!
  Aw...I totally want it.
• The Boston Globe Magazine -- Cooking - The Boston Globe
  Mushroom ragout....perhaps the most perfect meal ever.

I totally have Cancer of the Feelings

Fo Serious.

Links for 2007-03-19 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-19 [del.icio.us]

• Crystal Cave of Giants, Mexico - Crystalinks
  Oh man....why can't I live there?

I walked right out of the machinery

Solsbury Hill is kind of my anthem right now. Peter Gabriel wrote it about his fears over leaving Genesis and starting a solo career. It so amazingly articulates everything I feel about my life over the past year, leaving and coming home even though I really didn't want to, being here and having to deal with the tiring bullshit of arranging my life around some sort of "avoidance" that I didn't choose. Particularly about my decision to come back here instead of going up north out of some misguided attempt to help someone who is so far beyond any sort of help I, or anyone really, could give him. As Ross told me this morning, "You should only worry about yourself."

Yeah, I saw Ross randomly before he left, we went out to breakfast. It was cool, you know aside from the whole him being down here all weekend and I didn't even know it. It's not his fault though..."avoidance" and all. There's some synchronicity going on at the moment, I know what it means though. I like Ross, he's very much not full of shit...haha. It seems it's all I can ask for at the moment.

"Solsbury Hill"

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
"Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."
(Back home.)

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."

Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill(mp3 link)

:D

luckycharms, originally uploaded by atomic_xplosion.

Paging Bas....

Seriously....I've never seen anything more apt.

New album on Picasa

New, Unorganized

A bunch of pictures from right before I left New Jersey as well as some of the trip back and the first few days I was here. I also uploaded the pics to my Flickr account if you'd rather do it that way.

Links for 2007-03-14 [del.icio.us]

Links for 2007-03-14 [del.icio.us]

• Men look at crotches (kottke.org)
  HAHA...hi-larious

"She's always off somewhere, trying to wipe some of the blood away..."

I just woke up from the most fucked up dream. I didn't really sleep last night so I just took a nap. I'm not really going to go into the whole dream, because it's long and messy and often times more straight-forward than symbolic, but again there were ghosts and chasing. There was gore and nudity and supernatural bullshit.

Probably the most symbolic of all were the absolutely neon, bright, "don't touch me I'm poisonous" looking snakes everywhere in my house. I mean everywhere. In the dream I had apparently just moved home and my family was like "Oh, we're just used to them, we've never noticed them biting." At times I was covered by impossibly small ones, almost like little worms, smaller than any snake I've ever seen, screaming and tearing my clothes off trying to make people get them off of me. They were in everything, hiding behind everything, all sorts of styles of them...vipers, constrictors, rattle snakes...all blindingly bright, like poison dart frogs.

Phones wouldn't work, or would cut off in the middle of conversations I was having with people. I couldn't escape because my mother stole my car. At the end of the dream I was running naked up a hill away from some sort of demon creature in my house, jumping fences and everything, toward a woman who was standing in the spray of a hose or fountain, slowly turning into some sort of cephalopod everywhere the water touched.

Just a thought...

I really want to tour around the world in a stage production of Hedwig....seriously.

Woooooaah Woooooaah Wooooooaah!

Found this on Cracked.com's The Five Most Unintentionally Funny Albums of 2006....hi-larious!

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Sat in my room running in circles most of the day yesterday. Met up with Garth and Desi for Margaritas and then ended up heading over to Penny Lane with them afterward. It was nice, the first really enjoyable "going out with friends" time I've had since I've been back.

In one of my random snippets of sleep last night I had the craziest, most vivid dream. I was helping some guy who owned a house on top of a sky-scraper apartment building. The house was very narrow and long, like one room next to another in one direction, and old and dilapidated in an interesting way. Not in a "I might fall through the floor into a pile of ratshit way." The house had all sorts of hidden rooms and doors behind pictures and weirdness like that. A lot of hiding places too. Apprently the guy I was helping found a skeleton emtombed in a fountain outside of the house. The ghost of the skeleton girl was haunting the guy and asking him to help her. A group of men were trying to keep him from finding out the truth about the girl. I remember being chased by one of the men while another was chasing the guy through the house. We had all sorts of evidence hidden in the secret cubby holes around the house. When we ran out of the house to escape the men, they found all of the evidence and took it. The last thing I remember was there was a wedding about to take place at the house, which I believe had to do with the dead girl's fiance (he was the one who killed her??) marrying someone else. I walked outside and saw her skull yawning out of the side of the fountain. Then I woke up.

Yeah.

If I had my choice, I'd take the voice I've got. It was hard to find.

Propagandhi - True
Propagandhi - True(Live)
I wanted to include the original Concrete Blonde version as well, but I can't find it anywhere.

Shut up, crazy head!

Yeah, that's me yelling at myself. It's a little recursive, calling myself crazy and all while talking to myself. But my mind has just been on overdrive, not shutting up, just flailing about like a rabbit on crack in the Himalayas hurtling through space. Circles.

It's not so fun for sleeping, so I haven't been doing too much of that. Once I'm physically exhausted enough I can usually fall asleep, but I don't end up staying that way for long. My dreams are being assholes and kicking me in the face every chance they get. So it goes. I have to actually wake up at some sort of "time" tomorrow for the first time since I've been here, so maybe that will help. I haven't had a cigarette for like 5 days now or something, for no other reason than I'm lazy and I haven't thought much about it and the one time I attempted to get them it was too foggy to drive down the mountain and I was too drunk...ha. But yeah, it's hard as fuck for me to relax lately, and I'm sure the lack of smoking isn't helping.

We made a decision that we weren't going to be at home at all the other day so we packed lunches and clothes for any situation and had adventures. It was good. Today I discovered that they make skanky-bootie shorts-stripper panties for little girls....so disturbing. I bought three pair. They fit my non-existant ass better and one pair says "Pretty Princess" on the ass.

I woke up to this on my cell from raeven

Totally want this book

Truth Serum

I got very drunk on tequila last night and then Ikoi started talking to me out of the blue. We had a good conversation. She helped me understand a bit more about why things are the way they are, and all in all I feel a lot better about everything. I'm still definitely very sad about it to be honest, but it was nice to have someone to talk to who wasn't offering me rationalizations and who understood where I'm coming from. Also, it made me face reality a bit more. After a lot of crying anyway...ha.

I went to bed around 430...and woke up at 8 still drunk...haha. I kept falling back asleep and having super-vivid, symbolic dreams and waking up after each one. I had some grandiose drunk plan to get breakfast burritos and do margarita monday. Perhaps that can still be arranged.