I seriously have the crazies...

Here's a dream I had today while taking my 3rd or so nap of the day:
I was driving to L.A. I got off at a random exit and it turned into a town in Mexico or something. I went to a mall and it was all covered in trash and everyone was speaking Spanish and everything was in Spanish. I drove to the beach along a coastal highway and saw a white goat in the water chasing seagulls. Then I saw a bunch of sandy-colored warthogs on a small island. Then I got out of my car and walked over to the edge of the road and there was a fenced in area with all sorts of camels and camel like animals (llamas, alpacas, etc...). This giant fucking camel leaned over the fence and just started biting and gnawing on my thigh and wouldn't let go, but I couldn't feel anything. Then I woke up.

Mini-Buffet (Now with free recursion!)

You have a heart and I have a key
Lie back and let me unlock you
Those heathens you hang with down by the sea
All they want to do is defrock you
I know a river, where we can dream
It will swell up, burst it's banks,
babe, and rock you
(You'd have to be a big Nick Cave freak to get that probably)

Finally something else to do with all the tapes I have!(Though I'm mainly posting this because of the charmingly poor english and the "neat/cheap" aspect...I actually still have a tape deck in my car, ha)

Insanely Fucking Cool Seriously I want a house like this.

Or one like this...hell yes.

Update: Guess who's the #1 search result on Google for "Why am I such a fag"!

Multimedia message

The most unintentionally artfag pic evaaarr!

Pardon...

This is my "life is dumb" face.

Ok I haven't had coffee for two days. I've been trying to drink tea to alleviate some of the withdrawal effects but I don't think it's really helping. If I freak out on any of you or get insanely emotional, this is why. I feel like I haven't slept in days even though I've been sleeping more than I normally do in a week....and this in turn is making me have intense emotional reactions to everything because I feel almost delerious. It's also making me super super depressed...ugh. Who would've thought, out of all the drugs, caffeine would be my poison? Ha.

I've taken about three naps today....

that's how bored I've been.

Last night I watched Night Watch with Charles which was utterly fucking awesome, I don't care what you think! Seriously though, even the subtitles were rad. Tonight we are probably going to watch The Proposition cause after waiting a year for it to come to the U.S., making a special trip on my birthday weekend to L.A., and still not seeing it, even when it finally was playing in S.D., I finally rented it. Yay me.

I've kind of alternated between painting and cooking today, even though I can't eat much. Apparently I ate some of the bad spinach and apparently that's why I've felt like I'm dying. I can't even drink coffee cause it hurts my stomach too much. That right there kinda makes me wish I really was dying, haha.

I have some more random links to post but right now I have to go check the potatoes I'm roasting, so perhaps that will come later this evening.

Man

I forgot how fucking boring and frustrating looking for a job is. It's been far too long since I've done it. I don't even really want a job, I just for some reason think I should get one. It would be much easier if someone was just like "Hey, wanna work here?" and I could be like "Uh...I guess"....curse the person who gave me this lazy disease.

Also, I'm fairly certain that I'm dying. Either that or my body doesn't like my steady diet of liquor, cigarettes, and coffee but seriously, how likely is that? Good thing I don't have health insurance or I might be forced to go to the doctor. I guess I could start taking vitamins or something. I had a dream yesterday that I was utterly gorging myself on pieces of nearly raw steak so maybe I'm just iron deficient...haha.

Also....I think I had way too much truth serum yesterday.

I have found my calling!

I am fucking serious. I don't care that I've been living off of bloody marys for two days. I just watched the video for "Rock n Roll Children" by motherfuckin Ronnie James Dio on "Metal Mania" on VH1 Classics....and I am totally becoming an 80's metal chick like the chick in the video. You know you all want to fuck me now.



Update: Someone in Canada totally found my blog by searching for "Why am I such a fag"....that almost beats the people searching for "hell beast"......almost.

Bullshit Survey Day!

So....yeah Raeven and I are doing surveys all day. I refuse to post bulletins in myspace for the most part so they're all going here throughout the day. Fear the amount of mundane things you will be learning about me!

Survey 1

1)What’s their name?
Raeven Faye Chandler

2) Do you trust them?
More than I trust myself, that's for sure.

3) Where did you meet?
Oh Mocha...the "Max the Head Vampire" of all that sucks in Ghostown.

4) How old were you when you met them?
22?

5) Is this person one of your best friends?
If by "best friend" you mean we plan on having matching abortions and funerals as well as my part in raising her future kids, then yes.

6) Where does this person live?
North Esco, represent!

7) Is this person older than you?
No, no.

8) When is the last time you saw them?
Last night

9) When is the last time you talked to them?
Right now, on the Myspace instant messenger while she's at work. Ha.

10) Are you related to this person?
Perhaps in some hippie mystical collective consciousness way that Cara would think of.

11) Would you do anything for this person?
Dur.

13) Are you their b/f or g/f?
were semi-hetero life partners (Only because no one could ever accuse me of being truly hetero with a straight face)

14) Do you have nicknames for each other?
I call her Faggot a lot, also Cunty Cunty CuntFace. These go both ways however.

15) Do you have pics of this person on your myspace?
Yes, even though she has demanded in the past that I take it down.

16) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
Pretty much daily.

17) Do you think this person will repost this?
I'm responding to her posting of it so....

18) Would you live without this person?
Would I? Probably not voluntarily but I mean...when she runs off to Mexico and I run off to the wilds of the world I suppose I'll have to.

Survey 2

1. Do you like chinese food?
Um, yes.

2. How big is your bed?
Full, though it barely counts as a bed since it is a futon and it wants to ruin my life. And by life I mean my back.

3. Is your room clean?
Not so much.

4. Laptop or Desktop computer?
I've got a few laptops.

5. Favorite comedian?
I used to be a total Lewis Black girl, though I'm feeling Demetri Martin lately.

6. Do you smoke?
Cigarettes. Though crack and pcp are definitely up there on my list as well.

7. Does anyone like you?
Sure, but they'll all end up hating me. They always do.

8. Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice?
Um...she had some pretty hot boots on that one time. Also she has a vagina, and those can be sexy, though hers is probably just angry looking.


10. Sleep with or without clothes on?
Without

11. Who sleeps with you every night?
My laptops

12. Do long distance relationships work?
I don't know, I've never been in one. I probably never will be either.

13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
Once

14. Pancakes or French Toast?
French toast.

15. Do you like coffee?
More than life itself.

16. How do you like your eggs?
Over hard.

17. Do you believe in astrology?
Only when I'm bitching about coincidence.

18. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Raeven

19. Last person on your missed call list?
Garrett

20. What was the last text message you received?
Charles saying "K" to my text to him about Raeven coming over to his house as well.

21. McDonalds or Burger King?
I don't really eat fast food much, but I've eaten at Burger King a few times because they have a veggie burger. I haven't eat at McDonalds in probably 5 year.

22. Number of pillows?
There are 7 on my bed, I sleep with 3.

23. Last thing you ate?
Rice and vegetables.

24. Last thing you bought?
Cigarettes I think.

25. What are you hearing right now?
Stargate SG-1

26. Pick a lyric-
If this is heaven, I'm bailing out.

27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Pretty much anything.

28. Can you play pool?
Sometimes.

29. Do you know how to swim?
I think I learned how to swim before I could walk.

30. Favorite ice cream?
Coffee or Blue Bell White Chocolate.

31. Do you like maps?
Is batman the coolest shit ever?

32. Tell me a random fact:
Batman is the coolest shit ever.

33. Ever had a hard on at work?
Well given the amount of times I've actually worked combined with the amount of times I've actually had a penis....fuck yes.

34. Ever attend a theme party?
I've thrown many of them...so yeah.

35. Ever do a keg stand?
Hahaha. I've mocked people who have plenty of times.

36. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking?
On a picnic table in the woods? On the beach? I don't really know what counts as craziest.

37. What is your favorite season?
Winter

38. What is the first music video you ever saw?
I have no idea, my mom was obsessed with MTV since it first became available so I kind of grew up with it on all the time.

39. Pick a movie quote:
"Mr. Motherfuckin Bill Murray!"

40. Favorite quote:
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

41. What is your favorite hangout?
Parking lots, gas-station bathrooms, rest stops.....really anywhere I could potentially meet my future husband.

42. Best friend's name?
Raeven

43. How long have you known them?
3 years or so

44. Last time you laughed at something stupid?
I laugh at stupid shit for a living. My sense of humor is utterly dorky.

45. What time did you wake up this morning?
7 AM

46. Wake up next to anyone?
Yep

47. Best thing about winter?
Getting to wear boots all the time...and kickass jackets.

48. Name a couple of favorite colors:
Grey, Green, Black.

49. How old are you?
25...but I'm built like a ten year old baby.

50. What month is your birthday in?
May

51. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
They're cool as hell. I, however, am completely overrated.

52. Favorite Dave Matthews Band song (if you have one?)?
Seriously?

53. What are you doing this weekend?
Escapist self-destruction via substance abuse, I'm sure.

54. Who will take this survey?
Space monkeys and Sad Panda Faces.


Survey 3

Ten years ago today, it was 1996. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then.

1) How old were you?
THEN: 15
NOW: 25

2) Where did you work?
THEN: Ha.
NOW: Double Ha.

3) Where did you live?
THEN: Vista, CA
NOW: Escondido, CA

4) How was your hair style?
THEN: Black lesbian reverse mullett gothy girl hair.
NOW: Dykeasaurus

5) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: Yes
NOW: Yes

6) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: Yes
NOW: Yes

7) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Nicole
NOW: Raeven

8) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: Samantha, Tabitha
NOW: Turbo, Tabitha, Sidney, Murphy, Rielly, Johnny

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: Brian
NOW: Ha

11) Who was/is your celebrity crush?
THEN: Trent Reznor
NOW: Anthony Bourdain, Chris Garver

12) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: I didn't really crush on people...I was more of a "let's get down to business asshole" kind of person.
NOW: And I still am.

13) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 13?
NOW: 5

14) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: 0
NOW: 0

15) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Nick Cave, The Sisters of Mercy
NOW: Nick Cave

16) Had you smoked a cigarette?
THEN: yes
NOW: yes

17) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: Yep
NOW: Yep

18) What kind of car did you drive?
THEN: I didn't even get my license until I was 19..ha.
NOW: '93 VW Passat Wagon

19) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
Well I think at that point I thought I'd probably be dead...so no.

Survey 4

A - Age: We've covered this already asshole.

B - Band listening to right now: I'm watching SG-1 but I think the last band I listened to was Skinny Puppy.

C - Career: Slacker extraordinaire, professional dilettante

D - Drink or smoke: Both and more!

E - Easiest person/s to talk to: Raeven is on point with this one...definitely myself.

F - Favorite song/s at the moment: "I don't want to get over you" by the Magnetic Fields...for the week anyway.

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: I like gummi baren

J - Junk foods you like: Fun Dip. Potato Chips. French Fries.

L - Longest car ride ever: SD to Houston.

M - My favorite Sport/s: "Will ___ combined with ___ kill me?"

N - Number of relationships you've had:Two "serious" ones, a ridiculous amount of other sorts.

O - One wish you have: To do and know everything.

P - Phobias: Bees. Feelings.

Q - Favorite Quote: Man, is it really that common for people to have favorite quotes?

R - Reason to smile: It's just a crapshoot, but it's mostly crap.

S - Song: "Temperature" by Sean Paul. It's the name of a song, since I was given not other criteria. Also, it rules.

T - Time you woke up: 7 AM

U - Unknown fact about you: Rapebear is my father.

V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: Bananas

W - Worst habit: Denial, detachment, distraction, destruction. I'm super good at them though. (alliteration too, it seems)

X - X-rays you've had: More than I can count.

Y- Yummy food/s: Anything uber spicy, pomegranates, mushrooms.

Z- Zodiac sign: Taurus

Back the fuck off my dreams, bitches!

So every time I have a dream people try to steal it. My pirate ship dream, my "moving to Belize and having monkey butlers and never coming back" dream, etc..You all need to get your own dreams, you lazy whores! Luckily no one has tried to steal my cave dream, but I think that's because I'm the only one who is crazy enough to think that living in a cave by myself sounds utterly rad.

Anyway....one of my absolute favorite books as a child was From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and it totally made me want to live in a museum (or a giant metropolitan library). So yeah...that's my new dream. And none of you can steal it or I might be forced to shank a bitch.

Also I am now forced to go find a copy of that book and reread it. It really is fantastic.

P.S. I had a dream of the "sleeping" sort last night. I was chillin' with Noah Wylie at a beach party on some tropical island. Only he was actually his character of John Carter on E.R. Yeah, random.

This Appetizing Spread....

So in the like...5 fucking years I've had this blog I tend to alternate between posting link smorgasbords or emoting about my sorry ass life. It's back to the buffet for now.

Today I found Raeven's dream porn though last time I checked that link, the site was down due to bandwidth overload or something.

It must be the jaded cynic asshole in me that loves this but I really just want to make fliers and hand that out to every kid I see.

Apparently being gay on an airplane is against the rules.

In the rare possibility that I ever get married I'm so on board with a Super Mario cake Though truly we all know that me getting married would involve a lot more kidnapping and eloping and a lot less cakes and dresses.

I ♥ Bono. Ha.

And finally...........

I completely won the Most Emo Photo Evaaarrr contest against Bas.

(13:50:36) Marie: i just took the fucking emo belt
(13:50:38) Marie: it's white
(13:50:42) Marie: with studs
(13:50:45) Bas: haha
(13:50:48) Marie: and maybe some stars

Here.

Here are pictures of my weekend. Don't ask, cause I probably won't tell you.
We also tried to go see Banksy. It didn't work out.

Also, having my car back is cool and all but I still don't go anywhere cause I've nowhere I want to go. HA.

Maybe once I realize the one plan I have at the moment, to not have feelings again, things might start making more sense. I'm really sick of not feeling like myself and feeling like I have no idea who I am. Haha....life is such a fucking cocktease.

Hooray!

I got my baby back!

So here's an idea....

and this goes out to everyone. If you know what you want, or you even think you do, or you have some idea of it, just fucking say it. If you have no idea what you want, try not to drag someone down and into your bullshit. Simple concept, makes a lot of sense, I know...I'm fucking brilliant apparently though because while I seem to be able to follow this fairly well it seems to be amazingly difficult for others.

Though now that I think about it, I'm only fucking brilliant in that one respect. I made Bas call me a fucking moron like 5 times tonight. Literally asked him to the first few times, then he picked up the pace and started doing it on his own. I rule. HA.

Just drifting...

Today is the first day I've been home since Saturday afternoon. I don't know whether that makes much of a difference in my life, though since most of my art supplies are here as are a few half-finished paintings I did get to work on those today. Since I bought TWENTY-TWO MOTHERFUCKIN' BRUSHES the other day it was pretty fun. God, I'm such an artfag. I get money I've been waiting for for months and the first thing I do is buy brushes.

I told Raeven today that I'm going to be an art teacher. I think it would be hilarious. I'd be all hippie and try to help kids with their self-expression and esteem and then at the same time I'd be my assholish self and all of the kids would wonder if I'm a lesbian. Ha. I think it's a great life plan.

Apparently my car is fixed. Now what?

On the phone with raeven..

contemplating life and people. Not sure how that one turned out.

It was rather refreshing...

my night that is.

Went down to Hillcrest and met up with Garrett and Kimmy at Bourbon St. for a while. Saw a lesbian wet t-shirt contest, of which I only took a couple of pictures. They're nothing to write home about but I'm sure I'll be posting them soon anyway. Ha. Then went over and saw Factotum which left me feeling weird and like I either want to drink until I die or never drink again. I'm still not sure. After that we went to City Delicatessen. I totally <3 that place to extreme degrees.

Apparently my car may actually be operational again at some point soon. It's weird. I feel like there was this four month period where time just stood still and my life was not my life. Then it ended. And now I go back.

Confessional: I have a ridiculously good memory, primarily for situations or things people have told me. Even most of the times I say I don't remember something I really do, I just say it because I'm embarassed that I remember so many things that other people don't. I remember tiny little details about mundane situations or boring conversations. Even when I don't remember something when it's mentioned, I'll almost always remember it afterward. Even when drinking is involved. This is pretty much true except for my childhood, but nevermind that, that's another story. Anyway, point being...I would be so fucking happy if I didn't remember half of the shit I remember. Especially the things that actually mean something. Or that cause me to feel things. Fuck you, sentimentality! I hope you die from excessive drug use or something! Ha.

My fingers taste like paint....

but who the fuck cares cause I finally got paid! Yay me!

I'm so buying 5 billion new brushes tonight. And maybe some hair dye cause this red shit is getting out of control...ha.

Also that last post was me playing with Blogger's Mobile Blogging service. I have no idea if I really have anything interesting to use it for, but posting dumbass pictures of myself from my phone is pretty entertaining for the time being.

Phonetastic

Testing thingies!

I painted Sailor Jerry tattoos on my shoes...

  
The hearts say "yours" and "mine". I get bored a lot. I make a lot of things and I paint crap and I draw gothy gothy things. Then I take pictures of them and put them on the internet. I've been playing around with my camera, Picasa(the program), and a newly installed copy of Photoshop CS today. Yay me.

Labor Day Weekend

So this Labor Day weekend was interesting. I think there were a lot of things that kind of came to a head which ultimately is a good thing (hopefully). I'm no fucking optimist though, so maybe I'm just kidding myself...ha.

I pretty much stayed at Charles' house all weekend. We had fun, drank a lot, started some shit but hopefully that's over and done with now.

Some chick in turqoise velour track pants called me a hipster last night. I was seriously insulted..haha. She even listed off all of the reasons I look like a hipster. Then her boyfriend kept asking me why I didn't like Sublime and said "They're just like this classic band. Like the Steve Miller band! Nothing is better than the Red Hot Chili Peppers though!" I thought he was fucking with me at first but it became pretty apparent that he wasn't. Then he's like "I bet you just listen to indie music." When I told him I pretty much just listen to industrial they kind of sat there and then stopped talking and left. Which was rad. God bless Five Points.

I'm really sad that the Crocodile Hunter is dead. He was awesome.

I finished that piece I was working on on Charles' wall.

I also made a stencil of a unicorn. HA. Then I put it on the back of a jacket.




I took a bunch of other pictures this weekend too. Go look at them.