4 for Friday

High Five to the Universe. For Reals.

1. The Knife - Girls Night Out ...and we laughed at the moonlight far beyond. and we ran through the moonlight far beyond.
2. Placebo - Special Needs Just 19 this suckers dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
3. Kings of Leon - Cold Desert Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs. I've always been known to cross lines
4. Magnetic Fields - You're My Only Home I will hide what you want hidden and I'll roam if you say roam but I'd just as soon you didn't because you're my only home

I will always be a wolf among wolves

This song is my newest obsession.

She loves a soul,
That I've never been
A dog among dogs,
A man among men
And every day,
When I come home to her
She holds a phantom,
She kisses and she hugs him
And I am not
Averse to how she loves him
Why must I live and walk,
Unloved as what I am

Why can't I be loved as what I am
A wolf among wolves, and not as a man
Among men

She craves a home
That she can go in
A sheltered cave,
That I have never seen
Not in my life,
And not even in my dreams

Why can't I be loved as what I am
A wolf among wolves, and not as a man
Among men

Oh baby, tonight we sleep in separate ditches...

Everybody needs a little Birthday Party in their life. This song is exactly where my head is. It's going to be an interesting year I'm sure.

Love is for fools, and all fools are lovers.
It's raining on my house and none of the others.
Love is for fools, and god knows I'm still one.
The sidewalks are full of loves lonely children.
The sidewalks are full of loves ugly children.
The sidewalk regrets that we had to kill them.

Oh you're so silent Jens...

So maybe you're no longer my top played artist on last.fm. You still hold the top two songs though. And really, you're the sexiest Swede I've ever met. So you should have accepted when I was like "OMG marry me Jens." Anyway, you better come to SF soon.

"In church on Sunday making out in front of the preacher
You had a black shirt on with a big picture of Nietzsche
When we had done our thing for a full Christian hour
I had made up my mind that there must be a higher power."

I just listened to this song for the first time

It gave me one of those "What the FUCK, universe?" moments. Anyway, it's Bonnie Prince Billy and Matt Sweeney. It's called "What are You?"
What are you waiting for, if not for me ?
What are you waiting for ? It must be me
To take you over my knee
And spank you mercilessly
I can do that, oh you'll see

And every day will be like free and sweet adventure you will see
And I'll have you and you'll have me
On a bench with your twisted fingers in me
In the rain with my sundress torn off of me
Sliding down grassy slopes to where we can be alone

You say I am evil, you know that I am stupid
I don't appear giving and I don't appear lucid
Yet I give you all
The truth is I give you everything

thank god for existentialism

well it's true that I cried
but then I went outside
and I stood very still in the night
and I looked at the sky
and knew someday I'd die
and then everything would be all right

it's all right
and everything comes
down to this
that everything there ever was
or will be
is all there is

dope. guns. fucking in the streets. revolution.

This song just set me on fire. Take a listen.
Placebo - Spite & Malice (mp3 link)

Revolution, dope, guns, fucking in the streets (x2)
Aces take your time
Queens are left for dead
Jacks can stand in line
And touch themselves instead
Aces take your pity
And keep it warm in bed
Aces take your time

Cut the deck
The queens left for dead
Soft and wet, scarf tied to the bed
Jack is all tragic when he stands alone
Feeling demonic harmonic in a no go zone
You look well suited like you came to win
Lust, spite and malice, your degrees of sin
Cruising for pity and looking pretty as fuck
Ace take your chances
Queen wish you luck

Aces take your time
Draw your final breath
Jacks are feeling fine
They've clubbed themselves to death
Aces take your pity
You sleep with it instead
Aces take your time

You can play your card, I'll hold onto mine
Tied up in the reasons, Ace take your time
Looks turn to lovers, flames into fires
Jack loves his tragedy, Queen her desires
You look well suited like you came to win
Lust, spite and malice, your degrees of sin
Wrap me in your trauma and I may just give you mine
Queen take your chances
Ace take your time

Dope, guns, fucking in the streets (Revolution)
Everything will blow tonight
Either friend or foe, tonight

Cut the deck
The queens left for dead
Soft and wet, scarf tied to the bed
Jack is all tragic when he stands alone
Feeling demonic harmonic in a no go zone
You look well suited like you came to win
Lust, spite and malice, your degrees of sin
Cruising for pity and looking pretty as fuck
Ace take your chances
Queen wish you luck

Dope, guns, fucking in the streets (Revolution)
Everything will blow tonight
Either friend or foe, tonight

Rockin...

Here's a little glimpse into my head via the music I've been jamming to:
ShitDisco - Ok - I pretty much knew I would like this band cause of their name. Randomly saw them on a Spanish-language mp3 blog today (their stuff is in English though).
Jens Lekman - Sky Phenomenon - I'd never heard this Jens song before. It makes you want to die, then makes you laugh, then kinda want to die again. Oh happily-depressed Swedes.
Bloc Party - Atonement - Read the lyrics, you'll get it.
Sisters of Mercy - Gimme Shelter - The Sisters were my favorite band all through my high school gothy days. This cover rules and I'd never even heard it until a few days ago. How can such a tiny man have such an intense baritone? It's a mystery!
M.I.A. - Hit That - Off her new album. I liked her old stuff. I do enjoy this.
The Knife - Heartbeats - I totally love The Knife. This song puts me in one of those "life is ridiculous and I can totally accept that and just dance" moods...haha. Damn those Swedes. Lyrics.

Enjoy.

What am I still to you? Some thief who stole from you? Or some fool drama-queen whose chances were few?

So even though I got a job I applied for another job because I don't think I actually want the job I got. Dropping off my application at the new job resulted in a driving-home-crying-jag that was completely unexpected though I know why it happened.
"There is no knowledge but I know it
There's nothing to learn from that vacant voice"
I'm supposed to go to a wedding today. Who plans a wedding the day before mother's day anyway? I haven't been to a wedding since I was probably 11 years old so it might be a little weird. Also I'm a fucking wreck..haha. That might be the weirder part. Every time I sleep I wake up from nightmares. Yesterday I woke up at 7:30 because I had a dream I got shot in the head. Tried to take a nap and woke up from a different one. I haven't had more than four hours of sleep in I don't know how long and it's making my brain scrambled and muddled and heightening my emotions and making me irrational and just generally compounding everything to ridiculous levels of suck.
I miss everything. I'm bored with and angry and fed up with all of life outside my very immediate bubble. It's weird figuring out that you weren't lonely just because you were 3000 miles from home.

p.s. Apparently The Immigrant Song is in Shrek 3...re-donkey.

We would have a fine time living in the night, Left to blind destruction, Waiting for our sight.

I heard this song on my way home yesterday and though I've been a Joy Division fan for over 10 years, and this is by far their most well known and popular song, it hit me in a way it never has before. It seemed to completely switch meanings. Instead of linking to the Joy Division version though, I'm going to share what is pretty much the only cover of the song that I love and that I think captures something very true to the original.

UNIT-E - Love Will Tear Us Apart - (file is in Ogg Vorbis format)
While you're at it, check out the site for UNIT-E...they've done some really cool stuff and I like their philosophy.

Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
When routine bites hard, and ambitions are low
And resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways, taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again --

Why is the bedroom so cold? You've turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed - our respect run so dry?
Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again --

You cry out in your sleep - all my failings expose
There's a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold
Just that something so good just can't function no more
When love, love will tear us apart again --

Picture-perfect, numb belligerence....

So I know I usually do the lyrics + mp3 posts but today I decided to go with a video. I've been listening to the album Thirteenth Step a lot lately, by A Perfect Circle, and something about is just amazing and beautiful to me. Anyway, the song "The Outsider" really began resonating with me this weekend, as I was driving to and from Hillcrest, for so many different reasons. The video for the song is awesome and I went looking for that to post but instead I found them doing the song live on some show and it's really good. I was lucky enough to see A Perfect Circle on their first tour after the release of Mer de Noms and I just think they're such a great live band.


A Perfect Circle - The Outsider Lyrics

Help me if you can
It's just that this
is not the way i'm wired so
could you please

Help me understand why
you've given in to all these
reckless dark desires your

Lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, why do I wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadance

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you want to throw it away like this
Such a mess, why do I wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, come to this, come to this

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
Do it somewhere far away from here

I walked right out of the machinery

Solsbury Hill is kind of my anthem right now. Peter Gabriel wrote it about his fears over leaving Genesis and starting a solo career. It so amazingly articulates everything I feel about my life over the past year, leaving and coming home even though I really didn't want to, being here and having to deal with the tiring bullshit of arranging my life around some sort of "avoidance" that I didn't choose. Particularly about my decision to come back here instead of going up north out of some misguided attempt to help someone who is so far beyond any sort of help I, or anyone really, could give him. As Ross told me this morning, "You should only worry about yourself."

Yeah, I saw Ross randomly before he left, we went out to breakfast. It was cool, you know aside from the whole him being down here all weekend and I didn't even know it. It's not his fault though..."avoidance" and all. There's some synchronicity going on at the moment, I know what it means though. I like Ross, he's very much not full of shit...haha. It seems it's all I can ask for at the moment.

"Solsbury Hill"

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
"Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."
(Back home.)

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."

Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill(mp3 link)

"And they all pretend they're orphans and their memory's like a train You can see it getting smaller as it pulls away

And the things you cant remember tell the things you cant forget
That history puts a saint in every dream"

I just woke up and it's snowing! I guess I'll get to build a snowman before I leave after all!

It occurred to me that I spent last Valentine's day traveling as well, driving home from San Francisco. It's really just any other day, but I guess since it's some sort of "holiday" in popular consciousness it's sticks out more in my mind. The things a year can do.

"And its time time time, and its time time time
And its time time time that you love
And its time time time"

You say it, Modern Lovers!

Here's a picture from our photo safari:

When I first came out here, I remember seeing this and thinking, "Oh my god, a real life Stop N Shop!" For some reason I was under the impression that they were convenience stores, like 7-11 or something. Of course my only exposure to them was in the lyrics of a song.

Inspired by the best driving song ever, Roadrunner by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers(mp3 link):

1 2 3 4 5 6 Roadrunner Roadrunner
Going faster miles an hour
Gonna drive past the Stop N Shop with the radio on
I'm in love with Massachusetts
and the neon when it’s cold outside
and the highway when it's late at night
With the radio on
I'm like the roadrunner –

Awright, I’m in love with modern moonlight, 128 when it’s dark outside
I’m in love with Massachusetts
I’m in love with the radio on
It helps me from being alone late at night, helps me from being lonely late at night
I don’t feel so bad now when it’s on
Don’t feel so alone with the radio on, like the roadrunner, that’s right -

Said hello to the spirit of 1956
Patient in the bushes next to '57
The highway is your girlfriend, as you go by quick
Suburban trees, suburban speed
And it smells like heaven
I say roadrunner once roadrunner twice
I'm in love with rock-n-roll and I’ll be out all night, a Roadrunner-

Well now, Roadrunner, Roadrunner, going faster miles an hour
Gonna drive to the Stop N Shop with the radio on at night
And be in love with modern moonlight
And be in love with modern rock and roll
modern girls and modern rock and roll
Don’t feel so alone with the radio on
OK, you say it, Modern Lovers
(Radio On!) I got the AM (Radio On!) I got the power, got the AM (Radio On!) Got the AM sound (Radio On!) I got the rockin’ rockin’ neon sound (Radio On!) I got the car from Massachusetts (Radio On!) I got the power from Massachusetts when it’s late at night (Radio On!) I got the modern sounds of modern Massachusetts (Radio On!) I got the world, I got the turnpike (Radio On!) I got the power of the AM (Radio On!) Rock and roll late at night (Radio On!) I got the neon sign, modern sound, awright [etc.] Bye, bye bye.