www.mariecerda.com

I've moved my blog over to my own host and have a new domain. You can now find me at www.mariecerda.com.

RAWR.

So in a week I will be on a plane to Costa Rica. Shit yes. This has been taking up a majority of my time lately, but I think everything is taken care of at this point, so now I just get to be busy with all of the other fucking things I have going on. Ha.

I'm working on a redesign for MAGANRORD since we're getting a bunch more attention these days. This awesome journalist, Matt Baume, came out and let Logan and me show him around and talk about birds for his piece about the three main islands in the bay. Check it out. He's also been giving us some love/links in other articles of his on various sites, so it's pretty damn awesome. We've gotta keep the momentum going.

I'm also super busy/stressed trying to plan for school. So much shit needs to be done before I even register for classes and I have all of these meetings I have to go to for course planning and transferring and financial aid and such. I'm just trying to get this shit done, and if that means being mad focused and hectic then so be it.

That's sort of just scratching the surface of all I have going on, but really, who wants to hear me bitch about projects and commitments and such? Let's just say, updates here have been lacking for a reason. However, I hope to have a giant one full of a billion pictures of birds and nature and tropical paradise in a couple of weeks. So stay tuned.

Bird Nerd to the max:

My species list for yesterday:
1. Red Tailed Hawk
2. Red Shouldered Hawk
3. Brandt's Cormorant
4. Double Crested Cormorant
5. Brown Pelican
6. Western Gull
7. Ring Billed Gull
8. Snowy Egret
9. Great Egret
10. Black Bellied Plover
11. Unknown Species of tiny, tiny Plover
12. Unknown Species of medium-sized Sandpiper
13. Killdeer
14. American Coot
15. Unknown species of Tern
16. Crow
17. Common Raven
18. Black Crowned Night Heron
19. Mallard
20. Tons of little tiny songbirds that I have no idea about

Not bad for hanging out at a coastal pond for half an hour.

Best. Conversation. Ever. (also the most surreal)

(9:12:37 PM) Marie: i all of a sudden became an adult with like...aspirations and shit
(9:12:46 PM) Marie: ambition and motivation and all of that jazz
(9:12:49 PM) Marie: it's fucking weird
(9:12:56 PM) Charles: thats not adult
(9:13:03 PM) Charles: thats white kid bullshit
(9:13:04 PM) Marie: haha
(9:13:11 PM) Marie: no way
(9:13:16 PM) Marie: white kids are jaded little fucks
(9:13:40 PM) Marie: who think that cynicism equals authenticity
(9:13:45 PM) Charles: hey!
(9:13:51 PM) Charles: GETTING CLOSE TO HOME
(9:13:59 PM) Marie: YOU RESEMBLE THAT STATEMENT
(9:13:59 PM) Marie: ha
(9:14:15 PM) Charles: I've been an adult for far to long
(9:14:24 PM) Marie: yeah you have
(9:14:26 PM) Charles: almost as much as I've been rebelling from it
(9:14:30 PM) Marie: i'm not gonna be that kind of adult
(9:14:33 PM) Marie: i don't ever want a car
(9:14:34 PM) Marie: haha
(9:14:44 PM) Charles: the tattooed world traveler kind?
(9:14:47 PM) Marie: i just wanna go run around and study anipals
(9:14:49 PM) Charles: wait, I rule
(9:15:03 PM) Marie: and eventually settle down in a northern european country
(9:15:10 PM) Charles: Finland
(9:15:14 PM) Marie: that would be awesome
(9:15:20 PM) Marie: anywhere with good social services really
(9:15:23 PM) Marie: and awesome art
(9:15:27 PM) Marie: music etc
(9:15:29 PM) Marie: and good nature
(9:15:36 PM) Charles: you're going to end up knocked up by a viking
(9:15:42 PM) Marie: haha i think i'd be ok with that
(9:15:55 PM) Charles: I'm sure
(9:16:46 PM) Marie: I've been talking to a lot of visitors at work and I swear, the happiest ones, the ones that never seemed stressed or like assholes are always from like denmark or finland or sweden or the netherlands
(9:16:57 PM) Marie: even the germans seem pretty chill compared to americans
(9:17:54 PM) Charles: dude
(9:18:00 PM) Charles: I think I have to take a shit
(9:18:05 PM) Charles: because of you
(9:18:09 PM) Marie: exciting
(9:18:10 PM) Charles: you make me shit
(9:18:10 PM) Marie: haha
(9:18:35 PM) Charles: you know I get the trots when hippies are around
(9:18:40 PM) Marie: hahahaha
(9:18:56 PM) Charles: no but really
(9:18:58 PM) Charles: good, go
(9:19:01 PM) Charles: be happy
(9:19:04 PM) Marie: I will
(9:19:05 PM) Charles: fuck a iceman
(9:19:07 PM) Marie: haha
(9:19:10 PM) Charles: it'll be grand
(9:19:11 PM) Marie: it's like a 10 year plan
(9:19:14 PM) Charles: make me the god father
(9:19:20 PM) Marie: dude I will
(9:19:26 PM) Charles: but don't leave that nord to me
(9:19:33 PM) Charles: or I'll make it so fucking metal
(9:19:47 PM) Charles: it'll shit hippies and burn down churches
(9:19:50 PM) Marie: and I'll name my kid Bas in honor of my long lost viking bff
(9:19:54 PM) Charles: yeah
(9:20:31 PM) Marie: haha
(9:20:34 PM) Marie: hilarious
(9:20:42 PM) Marie: you can teach my kid to burn down churches
(9:20:44 PM) Marie: i'm chill with that
(9:20:55 PM) Marie: i've seen like every black metal documentary that exists
(9:20:59 PM) Marie: those guys are pretty cool
(9:24:55 PM) Charles: maries gonna have babies
(9:25:06 PM) Marie: hahaha
(9:25:09 PM) Marie: tiny vikings
(9:25:20 PM) Charles: they'll end up like toki
(9:25:24 PM) Charles: kinda pussy
(9:25:32 PM) Charles: but still cool
(9:25:34 PM) Marie: hahaha

Pardon my lack of recent updates

but you know, life has been taking place. In ALL SORTS of ways.

First off let me just say that the trip to San Diego was an unexpected and well-needed vacation. I really found something down there and every moment of it, even the sad ones, was a true fucking delight. I feel like my head is finally where it needs to be, not just for the moment, but for my life and for whatever the future is going to bring my way. I had amazing times alone, amazing times with some of the closest people in the world to me, and amazing times reconnecting with old friends that I was very happy to see. If you'd like, the pictures are here.

The garden is kicking ass, though it's still existing in the front part of my room for the time being. We've had sporadically hot and sunny weather lately, and I don't want my little shade loving seedlings to burn.

As for everything else, let's just say that transition is the word of the day. Or week, month, whatever. So many things seem to be changing right now, which I absolutely welcome. I mean most of the changes are my doing, but I guess the spark that set the change in action was this new feeling of motivation and ambition and drive that I've really never known. I'm through just coasting through life. Don't get me wrong, it was fantastic and fun and necessary and I don't regret any of it, but now it's time to do something else. I'm not really leaving Neverland, I'm just like...moving on to Neverland University or something. I'm actually making plans, big ones even, and really trying to put thought into my life now. It's an interesting ride, for sure.

I'm also really opening myself up to emotions again. Not like they were ever gone, but I'd gotten to a point where I had such a grip on them that I could basically decide what I wanted to feel and what I didn't want to feel. So let's see where letting go gets me. I do this every once in a while, and I remember how much better it is and how much more alive I feel, and then something comes along and hurts me and fucks it all up and I go back to the "robot" so to speak. What I'm getting at here is it's scary AS FUCK. But I'm enjoying the scary, the uncertainty, the intensity, the tiny moments of panic, just as much as I'm enjoying all the better warm fuzzy things. It's very much like the old "shedding skin" cliche. Everything is still raw and sensitive and shocking. Though knowing the way my emotions roll, maybe they always will be. It's all alright. A lifetime's worth of experience in being me knows that it will always be alright.

Everything there ever was, and will be, is all there is.

So despite all of my promises of never going back to San Diego, I will be doing just that this coming Wednesday. Sadly someone I was very close to in high school passed away and although he and I were no longer close it's left me in a strange place mentally, as it's also done to many people I love.

It's been a strange past 48 hours. I'm so stuck in my head right now. I feel so amazingly connected to a time in my past that I've done my damndest to sever all connections with. Those years were so important and so formitive but so fucking painful. And now it's all so damn raw and on the surface of every thought I have and every action I make. I'm not that person anymore, I'm not trying to be, but I realize that she still lives inside of me somewhere.

I'm trying to focus on what's good and present and real and alive right now: I have amazing friends both here and there who love me and I love them. There's a guy out there with the same color toenails as me and spending time with him makes me pretty damn happy. I get to spend 4 days with my best friend and do nothing but lie on a beach in the sun and be a little emo and get a sunburn. And strangest of all, being this aware and this connected to my emotions has made me feel alive in a completely remarkable way.

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Word to the wise:

Resourceful and decisive are two things that EVERYONE should learn how to be.

Garden, Day 5: The Sproutening!

The mache is the only thing that hasn't sprouted, but it takes quite a bit longer.






God, I LOVE growing things.

More Food: Lunch, Quinoa Pilaf

Quinoa Pilaf, originally uploaded by primalux.

Saute shallots, mushrooms, and peppers in olive oil. Add greens (I used collards, arugula, some other spring baby greens) and edamame. Salt. Add cooked quinoa, I cook mine with beef or mushroom stock to really amp up the umami. Finish with a good white wine vinegar. Trust on this last step. The acid does it. I CRAVE this dish constantly.

More Food: Breakfast

Breakfast, originally uploaded by primalux.

Crostini with goat cheese and fresh basil. Topped with sauteed mushrooms, tomatoes, and orange bell peppers. Poached eggs on top of that.

The Bitter and Sick and Die Alones - Hurt is all I get (Live at Atalante)

This song takes my breath away. So amazing. So beautiful.

Best Salad Ever

Best Salad Ever, originally uploaded by primalux.

My dinner tonight: spring greens, romaine, purple cabbage, carrots, orange bell pepper, cucumber, tomato, edamame. Dressed in olive oil, seasoned rice vinegar, smoked sea salt, freshly ground pepper.

With a Greyhound to drink.

The garden is a go:

More pictures here.

So I'm growing spearmint and basil, which are the two actual plants in the pictures, as well as mustard greens, collard greens, broccoli rabe, mache, and kale. I also bought seeds to grow sprouts, alfalfa and mung bean.

And now I wait. And try to learn that thing called "patience".

New Mix

Random Thought

This has occurred to me twice today so it probably means something a little more real than random: I much prefer dating intelligent, knowledgeable men with no real formal education to guys who learned everything they know, including the ways they think and process, because they went to school and got a degree. There's a lack of structure in the former that I find so much more interesting and intriguing. And, let's be honest, more authentic.

Tallest Man on Earth

Dear Sweden,
Please keep making beautiful men who make creative, honest, amazing music and I will carry your torch FOREVER.
Love, Marie
P.S. Tallest Man on Earth is playing the Fillmore in September. WHO WANTS TO GO??

Ugh. Stop it. You're perfect.

My last three meals.

Most recent up top. Click through to flickr for descriptions and ingredients.

Le. Sigh.

Beautiful amazing boy from last summer emailed me again. He's still on the other side of the world but every time I hear from him I swoon just a touch. He's a little bit of magic.

Garden Planning

I am so excited about having a garden again, I can't even tell you guys. I live in basically THE foggy, cold neighborhood of San Francisco, which normally I like to bitch about. The rest of the city will have sun and a degree of warmth but my house and my park are just grey and cold. I'm finding it pretty serendipitous that the exact things I'm interested in growing, lots of greens primarily, actually prefer this weather. This makes me a happy lady. I'm going to be growing some herbs too, but I think I'll just keep those inside in front of my bay window, which faces west. The only sun we often get here is in the late afternoon, so this will allow them to take full advantage of that.
This morning has just been all research, research, research. When I finish this coffee I'm gonna take a break and make myself something delicious to eat. Then it's off to work. YAY BUSY LIFE.