movere

I moved. It is the devil. I'll be moving again shortly if things go the way they should. Yay.

I think I'm fairly fucking manic. It makes drinking fun.

Apparently I've made a habit of it....

So, Mute records is probably my favourite major label. They are good. Go here and listen to good things from their catalogue for free (they have better stuff in their U.K. section, so if they throw you to the U.S. site don't listen to them). I've been listening to the Boys Next Door for probably two weeks now, because I'm addicted to "After a Fashion" and "Shivers". Apparently they make me want to die in a good way. Mmmhmm.

Sometimes, like now, I wish I didn't talk so much. I am utterly fucking serious, but make of it what you will.

I give up.

This site pretty much just caused me to have a fucking breakdown.

Take that alcohol!

I got drunk last night and had a dandy time. So there! Ended up going to Churchill's with someone I suppose I shall call a "reclaimed friend". Times are weird. Saw my ex there. Avoided talking to him for no other reason than I was really drunk and I honestly have no idea what I'd have to say to him other than "hey". I hate running into people I used to be close to and haven't seen in forever. At this point we might as well be strangers as far as I'm concerned. Oh and the weird part was that he was there with people that are friends with the friend I was there with. Synchronicity abounds. Or perhaps just fucking coincidence that is funny, no?

Packing is the devil. I seriously hate moving. Especially since I just did it 5 months ago. The only semi-amusing thing about it is that you find things you haven't seen in a while. Like CDs of IRC logs from long ago. Mmmyep. #temp bitches....or something like that.

My heart is really on it's knees...and every other line from "shivers"..

So I'm drunk. And this is the first time I've actually been drunk in a while. I don't think I can get drunk anymore. I've figured out that it doesn't mesh so well with the whole "being dead inside" deal. It just makes me realize how sad I really am. And if I wanted that then I'd just stop forcing myself not to feel things. Fucking. Gravity.

What?

I think since I decided to get in touch with my inner zombie all of my senses hate me. Right now all the wine I drink tastes like sake, which normally wouldn't be a bad taste except for that the last time I drank sake I puked a lot and passed out in the shower. Also, all I can smell is Sharpie.

The continued weirdness of life...

OK so first things first. Everything older than this post are blog postings that I immigrated over from my MySpace blog, with the original dates and whatnot. I really have no idea why I did that other than I hate to destroy things I write no matter how fucking lame they are and no matter how many times I read them while I'm actually sober and think "I'm seriously ridiculous".

So second things now. I'm listening to the new album by The Darkness. MMMHMMM bitches. I also no longer have a car ...again.. and I shall speak of it no more at this point. Suffice to say this does in no way help my no-longer-impending-but-actually-realized craziness. I talked to Bas for several hours yesterday and pretty much came to the conclusion that at this point I'm dead inside. It doesn't lessen the crazy any but at least I still have all my hair. Whee....

This album is the scheisse. I don't know what else to say.

A tear of petrol is in your eye...

There's entirely too much going on in my fucking head. At this point I'm enitrely unable to express anything, in any way, at all....it's really weird being able to spell it all out in your head and then trying to make it become spoken or written and just spazming in ineptitude. At least I've got painkillers.

Currently listening:
Door Door
By Boys Next Door
Release date: By 13 March, 1996

I could say that you are pretty. That would make me a liar...

Current mood: ridiculous

I truly believe there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Aside from all of the obvious shit anyway. I utterly hate complements. In the past week or so I've received some truly lovely complements from various people and I feel absolutely horrible about it. It's not a self-deprecation thing at all. I just seriously despise wondering or knowing how people perceive me and how it's different from the way I perceive myself. And complements force me to confront that. And then I feel like I have something I have to live up to. Only I have no idea how. Because I never thought of myself that way in the first place. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. And into my proverbial cave.

I'm still on my Jens kick. I read his blog-y thing and it makes me sad. His music still makes me happy though, if only in that "happy-sadness,sehnsucht" sort of way at this point. I've also thrown pretty much everything put out by this label into my mix. Arco, Empress and Delaney's "La Nuit on a Toujours Tout" are at the top of my list. There are mp3s on each of the band pages. Go get some.

Being sick is the devil....

Current mood: pressurized

So I'm pretty sure I caught the Bakersfield plague and I only have 3 days left to live. God I hate being sick, my ears keep doing that annoying thing where every time i swallow or move my jaw they pop 6 bajillion times. It's super!

I got one of my new pairs of glasses yesterday. Charles has taken to calling me "Queen of the scene". Yeah, I don't know....

Currently listening:
Live It Out
By Metric
Release date: By 04 October, 2005

One hell of a weekend...

Current mood: enthralled

So here we go:
Friday: I wanted to go see Jens Lekman** in LA but it was Garretts birthday so a bunch of us took a limo down to Hillcrest and went to Hamburger Mary's. Super fun, drank like 2 bottles of champagne and various mixed drinks, then talked nonsense at Garrett and Iann as I tried to pass out half-clothed in Garrett's bed.
Saturday: Went home in the morning, made eggs with rancid oil and gave Charles and myself some sort of food poisoning. Puked many times that day. Forced myself to feel better and then I did so we went to Garrett's Halloween party and I drank much Chianti. I went as Medusa. I rock.
Sunday: Garth, Garrett, Charles and I went to see MC Chris bitches! He played at the fucking Jumping Turtle of all places. The Ergs and Snmnmnm opened and they were kickass. MC rocked the house and we talked to him a little bit and it was awesome and so much fun. SOOOOO much in fact that....
Monday: Garth, Desi, Charles and I decide to drive to Bakersfield after Garth and Charles got off of work to see it all again. We got there too late to see The Ergs but Snmnmnm were great, they sounded much better than they did down here (which I blame entirely on the shitty Jumping Turtle). MC was awesome of course, but the kids in Bakersfield were all lame for the most part. I couldn't figure out if they just randomly showed up and had no idea who was playing or if they were soooo scene that they just couldn't bear to show excitement. Either way, the energy at the show down here was 5 billion times better. I felt bad for them.

We got home around 330. Hells yeah bitches.


**Go listen to some Jens muthafuckas. A bunch of his rarer stuff is free here. Pocketful of Money is one of the most awesome songs ever. Dig around on the site a little, there are more mp3s elsewhere. He makes me happy.

----Update-----
I was just talking to my friend bas about the show last night and I just felt the need to add this:
(17:02:29) PrimaLux Sum: let me just say...if you ever want to go somewhere that is like 90% white people and 90% teenagers who want really hard to be part of "subcultures" but their only connection to them is fashion, then bakersfield is the place for you
(17:02:39) My friend Bas: hahaha
(17:02:43) PrimaLux Sum: i just had to get that out

Currently listening:
Maple Leaves
By Jens Lekman
Release date: By 03 February, 2004

I swear I'm totally serious...

Current mood: Hookertastic

Two things...
---Sometimes you just gotta say "What the fuck?"---


---Give yourself permission to suck---

I totally didn't mean for those to rhyme, and the fact that one of them comes from "Risky Business" breaks my heart and my trust in man, but they both just occurred to me for whatever reason and made sense. Hooray Stoli!

I sucked at trivia tonight. I've barely left the house all week though so it was nice for that I suppose. I've been studying like a motherfucker. Seriously.

Currently listening:
She Wants Revenge
By She Wants Revenge
Release date: By 25 October, 2005

Pictures from Labor Day Weekend

So....Juani had a party on the Saturday prior to Labor Day during which many drunken pictures were taken. Kelly and I think the cake was laced....shhhh...
Then on Labor Day a bunch of us went down to Margarita Monday at Alcapulco for pretty much....all day. It was uberfun. Kyle took a picture of his THON. And we all took entirely too many pseudo-serious self-portraits.
So yeah...go look at the pictures riiiiight........here.

Currently listening:
Tactical Neural Implant
By Frontline Assembly

Seriously...?

Sometimes I wonder if people are fucking serious on here. I mean, I know I'm an utter artfag and I know I'm stupidly gothish and always will be, but honestly. Some people's pictures and profiles make me want to hurt them. They seriously are trying entirely too hard. And here I sit, ridiculously fucking drunk and bitter and I kind of laugh at them but then it makes me sad because they completely think something good is going to come out of sitting on their asses in front of their computer, talking themselves up and making themselves sound deep and intelligent and interesting through quotes stolen from french philosophers. And it makes me so sad that I have to laugh more so that I don't think about how utterly awkward and lonesome this all is.

But I've gotta little Captain in me anyway.

Oh yeah. So I totally took 5 drags off of 5 cigarettes tonight. I am a complete fucking loser when it comes to quitting apparently.

Currently listening:
Orchestrated Rise to Fall
By Album Leaf
Release date: By 08 July, 2004

5 days and going strong.....

Ok so....I've been drunk for 5 days straight......or at least the nights....right now I am ridiculously intoxitcated....5 of Big Sarah's Captain and Coke's.......Alcohol is clearly the only way I can cope with life....hooray for self-med......I made about 5 new enemies tonight...

Currently listening:
Under the Milky Way: The Best of the Church
By The Church
Release date: By 28 September, 1999

My utter lack of drive....

is fucking awesome. Today I woke up, ate ravioli for breakfast, took a shower, took an hour long nap in said shower, got out, took a nap in my bed for a few more hours, woke up, took a bath, and now here I am. Life is totally worth living....mmmmyep.

Adventures and Pictures

So last night Charles, Kyle, Amber and I were bored so we let Kyle drive us around and pick places to go to. We ended up at the Leucadian (of scavenger hunt fame!) and played shuffleboard which was awesome. Charles and I magically kicked Kyle and Amber's ass when we played teams. I hadn't played since I was a kid, when my sister and I used to go to Brook's Ice House with my grandpa. I don't think we ever actually knew the rules back then, we just liked hurling things.

After that we went to El Callejon and had appetizers and margaritas because although we had all eaten dinner before we left I am hungry all the time now. Damn not smoking + running.

Moving On.....

I finally got pretty much all of my pictures up on yahoo, though I'm still working on descriptions for all of them, which is going to be a long running project I fear. Anyway....they're here.

Currently listening:
When I Said I Wanted to Be Your Dog
By Jens Lekman
Release date: By 07 September, 2004