Wheeeeee.

Here's some art I did last night:



So first is this shirt I painted with a picture of this "Safari Animal" monkey that I found in my shower mysteriously. Ha. I like the way it turned out cause it looks like some sort of cave-painting or petroglyph.




This is a piece I started last night. It's done in ink, which I never, ever work in, because I wanted it to be a cleaner, more cartooney looking thing. Almost tattoo-like. Since I usually work in charcoal it's kind of um....taking forever. Also, it doesn't look very good, but that's rather beside the point. It started out in my mind as the snake and heart bursting from a rib cage but as it grew I decided it needed some tits. It's not done but I'm not really sure where I'm going with it. It just needs something more.

I will never be free, If I'm not free now...

So Raeven and I are plotting. Destruction, creation, art crimes, revolutions...you know, all the goodness. I don't know if I can ever sleep again. I don't know if I can stay here anymore. I don't know if I should.

Aside from that I stare blankly a lot. I dream of things that will never happen.

Wait...

So I just had the strangest epiphany. I was listening to a song that a husband and wife were singing together and I all of a sudden could understand why people would want that. Marriage or relationship bullshit or whatever. I'm not saying I want it, but I never could understand the force behind it before. I want someone to make art with or make music with or do any of the stupid artfag things I like to do with. I probably don't want to love them though.

I have a feeling this is going to be my night. Random blog posting bullshit to preserve my idiocy. I want to just throw it out there, in the open. Rip me apart.

Odero si potero....

Hostis si quis erit nobis, amet ille puellas.

Yeah um....loneliness is fucking fantastic. It bothers me quite a bit that I even feel this way. It bothers me that in addition to drinking margaritas earlier, since I've been home I've had half a bottle of vodka. Straight. For no reason other than I'm an emotional fucking drunk today and apparently I'm retarded enough to not mind being a cliche. Let's cry like a stupid cunt over wasted life and youth and such. Wonderful.

Being home with my sister and her boyfriend makes me feel more alone than I could possibly care to. Having only two close friends essentially at this point, both of whom have their own lives and are preoccupied with them (as well they fucking should be), isn't helping so much either. Good thing I'm probably too drunk to do anything too ridiculous tonight, because everything is rather fleeting and futile. Seeing Byron randomly today was nice though. Tiny pleasures, mes amis.

"Goddamn the day that I was born, and the night that forced me from the womb. And goddamn this town."

I have dyke hair. It is rad.

I have a car. I can almost drive it for really-reals.

I got pretty fucking smashed last night because everyone and their fucking brother was at the bar. Ended up staying at Denny's until about 4 am with Reggie.

It's weird because I was distracting myself for a while, so nothing really hit me. The past week or so I've just been pretty much hibernating in my room so things have finally started to spark in my head, to sink in and settle, to become fucking real. It's bad, but not as bad as I thought.

I really want to go see Ministry and RevCo this weekend. I doubt it's going to happen for several reasons, such is life and things.

I unpacked about half of my books. It made me start to feel whole again.

Did i waste my time? I think i did- I worked for life

Turn and face the strange, eh? I'm fairly certain everyone knows what's going on, so I don't really feel the need to spell it all out here. I'm still working on a healthy plan of distraction, intoxication, and internalization. In all of their myriad forms.

I don't think I have much to really write. There's just too fucking much changing and beginning and ending. All I can think in are quotes and lyrics, retardedly enough. I just kinda wanted to let everyone know I'm still around, though maybe not in a very accessible way at the moment. Patience children, I'll be back at some point.