Illusion, thought, choice....now only you feed my desire for deception.

Friday a bunch of us went and stayed downtown in this beautiful Italian Romanesque bank from the 20's that was converted into a hotel. We got moronically drunk. Good times were had. It was raining and beautiful and fragile. The rain makes me feel like I'm living in a dream and I could live like that forever. Perhaps that's why everything I've been writing this weekend has overwhelming Jungian overtones. It's a bit frustrating.

I find it interesting to read the books that inspire my favourite works from others, or look at the art, or listen to the music. Then I find myself being inspired by them but feeling like I haven't an original thought on the matter considering I'm being inspired by the inspiration for something I'm already inspired by. It's such fucking recursion. I've just been pulling quotes, and snippets, and bits from everything, throwing it together and leaving it until I can blow something up with it. I still really need some good fiction to read.

I'm kind of really fucking in love with this and with whoever is doing it.

She doesn't have anything you want to steal, well...nothing you can touch....

Yesterday...ridiculous...who would have ever thought that an unexpected nap could ruin one's day? Well let me tell you people, it seriously can...haha...I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes. I spent all of last night writing and looking for a "Reading Rainbow" shirt. All I found were pseudo-vintage, pre-faded bullshit shirts. I did find a "Save Reading Rainbow" shirt so maybe I'll go with that. This morning I found this shirt and really fucking wanted it until I found this one. I think I almost died from lust for it. What the fuck are the t-shirt making people doing reading my mind anyway?

So this morning was kind of fucking awesome for movie watching. Started with some Better Off Dead because god knows my life is not complete without skiing competitions. Then Pretty in Pink came on which was my favourite movie all throughout high school, which is rather funny if you think about it. I want to marry Duckie and totally corrupt him. Ha. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion because Alan Cumming and hot guy who played Brenda's boyfriend on Six Feet Under are goodness and now Mermaids. Seriously......my life is fucking sad. Haha. At least I don't do this often.

Raeven thought I was on crack this morning. I think I actually might be.


________________4:00 pm Update

I watched "The Aristocrats" the other day and by the end of it figured out that I have a gigantic crush on Jon Stewart. It's funny because I've been watching the Daily Show forever and never came to this realization but there you go. I'm also kind of disturbed that all my recent crushes are on men. I'm going through such a straight phase it's ridiculous.

So Raeven and I really have decided that we are just going to be motherfuckin' artistes from now on. Ha. I was talking to someone the other day and lamenting the fact that it's not the Renaissance and I can't have a patron to support my artistic career. I really want to bring that system back. It would be fucking fantastic.

If it ain't Dutch, it ain't much......

So after seeing how fantabulously internet-whoretastic I am and making fun of me for it my friend Bas began asking me to make a post about him. "But why?" you may ask. "He just made fun of you for having a blog and a myspace account and for reading other people's blogs." Well the truth is, Bas loves me and really just wishes he could be as super fucking awesome as I am. Here are some other things about Bas you should know:
1. He's Dutch.
2. He's a giant.
3. He just got a haircut.
4. He wore a monkey suit with nice shoes and everything on his recent trip to Miami. Hooray for compromis(e)/ing yourself!
5. He's into MMA, which according to the recently cancelled Heather Graham show "Emily's Reasons Why Not" or somesuch shit, is the "gayest sport ever". The writers of that show have apparently never seen Turkish wrestling.
6. He needs to get laid.
7. He's lived in Alberta, Canada somewhere in the boonfucks for the past year or so.
8. Garrett thinks he is the funniest human ever, which I'm generally inclined to agree with.
9. He's very bitter and sarcastic and misanthropic.
10. He's an artfag in denial.
11. Things tend to happen to him that only happen in movies.....well, gay porn anyway.
12. He has some pretty fucking horrible taste in music, but I suppose that can always be improved on.
13. We didn't talk for like 2 years because he became a dumbass for a while ;)
14. He's a bigger nerd than he would probably want strangers to know about.
15. He has dimples....haha...somehow these do not get him laid.
16. Seriously...he really does need to get laid.

I could probably go on...and perhaps I will later....but right now I need to watch this Gael Garcia Bernal movie I just rented....because he is just the hotness.

Morning seems strange, almost out of place....

Yesterday was insanely fantastic. It's weird because when I realized it was March 4th it brought back all of these memories, because at one point in my life I knew about 3 people with that birthday. At this point I only remember the German :)

So last night Charles, Raeven, and I decided to get a hotel room and get smashed because if we're all in high school again then we've gotta fucking work it right. So we're there, it's a fairly nice place, not seedy or anything. We're all absolutely wasted and Charles says "Hey I saw on this forensics show that someone found a dead body under a hotel room bed and they were talking about how a lot of people hide things under hotel room beds, so let's look!". Of course this sounded like a fabulous idea. So we lift up the box spring to look in the hollow frame that they're always placed upon in hotel rooms. Under the first bed we find three porno mags and a hypodermic needle. Fuck yes! So we absolutely have to look under the other bed. A package for a dildo (with the price tag still on it...39.95), what appeared to be a massaging showerhead, and a jizz-stained sheet that was not from the hotel. We laughed our asses off and proceeded to call everyone that would conceivably be awake at 2:30 or so in the morning. I took pictures, which I will throw up on my yahoo account sometime soon. It was the most insanely funny experience that I have had in a hotel, hands down. We considered complaining to the front desk to get a free room but we were all too drunk to even want to bother so we left everything as it was, except for the porn of course, in the hopes that someone else would have as fun a time as we did....Moral of the story: always look under hotel room beds....fantastic treasures await you!

Tonight we will sleep on the lie that morning won't come...

So I totally forgot that I had a last.fm account because when I signed up for it, it wasn't working for me. Tonight when I was doing an ego search on google, I found my user page and realized that it indeed had been updating my stats for months without me knowing. I almost feel like I've been spied upon, but in reality I'm just too dumb to actually remember anything. Ha.

The last thing I really need is another internet toy to while away the hours, however. ;)

Oh yeah, and I got a new phone and new service provider so I actually get cell reception at my house. Now all you bitches can call me, except for not really because I hate talking on the phone.

Really....

When are cum-stained salty manwhores of the sea gonna get some props?

Motherfucking Universe....

when will you stop torturing me with synchronous actions?! This song has been on my mind, in my head, all yesterday and last night and this morning. And then bam....it's on one of my top mp3 blogs this morning. It makes me feel kinda batty. Anyway, go download it. If you like bands that sound kinda like the buzzcocks and sing about space travel and whatnot anyway. I think I've loved this song for most of my life because of that ;)

The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet I'm not linking directly to the file, because that would be rude. You all know how to navigate.

My nerd parts are all tingly......

Ok seriously....this could possibly be the best thing ever. Joss Whedon, Warren Ellis, comment war, internet.....it's like a fucking geekiness overload. In fact, I think I just came.

Even more proof of my nerdtastic nature....I was introduced to Warren Ellis because he has the same name as my favourite violinist. Yeah that's right bitches, I have a favourite violinist.

I want to suffer in your arms, And when you're naked in the dark....

Wow. Tuesday night was an exercise in frustration that carried me over into Wednesday. Everything I tried to do to alleviate the matter just compounded everything. By the end of the day I felt like a fucking whore, albiet one that was laughing about it. So I did what any one who is exactly like me would do and I got fucking wasted. Stayed up until 5 am doing strange and stupid things. Woke up still drunk. I know, I'm fucking fantastic, I couldn't bear to hear it again.
My hand is the devil. I've been wanting to sketch and things and I can't so I spent all day doing other kinds of stupid art projects. I've also been looking at Trevor Brown's art, which is entirely not safe for work or any other place really. I absolutely love it.
I'm looking for something to read. All of my books are still in boxes, though that's kind of irrelevant anyway because all I've got queued up for reading are non-fiction books and I'm seriously craving some fiction. Any suggestions?

"We are more than most will ever find"

Coincidence is neat. As I said before I've been reading a lot of Baudelaire. Friday Desi came over with wine that had a Baudelaire quote on the cork. Today I bought an album with a song called Baudelaire on it.
Friday Desi and I listened to the Sisters of Mercy, who were my favourite band in high school when I was a little goth chick. I told her I wish I had First and Last and Always on CD because I only have it on vinyl and I like it best. Today I found it on CD for 99 cents.
And Joe knows all about my Food Network ESP.
It's really enough to make a girl insane ;)
Tonight I've been looking at art. Art that I don't normally seek. The first time I ever looked at Kurt Halsey Fredricksen's work it made me cry. I was in a fairly bad place though. It's fairly emo, fairly hip, I like it anyway. It's cute, it's everything I never look for in art and certainly everything I never create in art. I like pain too much. From all sides.
Little Rocket is darker but just as adorable. I don't know how people do that. I'm entirely too agressive for it.
Penelope Dullaghan isn't nearly as interesting, but I seriously love "Wall Flower" like I can't describe.

I'm working on some things right now, forcing myself out of my borders and limits and comforts. I dig it. I've also pretty much given up on sleep. It really is for the weak.

"everyone's a winner now cause everyone's a sinner now"

Life has been fucking amazing the past couple of weeks. I was in San Francisco for 5 days. I would have been perfectly happy never coming back. It was fantastic. I've barely seen anyone since I've been back and I'm perfectly fine with that. Ha.
I've been such an artfag lately. Reconnecting with my little goth-girl roots I suppose, I've reread Venus in Furs, Story of the Eye, and a shit ton of Baudelaire. And I write this as I utterly rock out to The Brithday Party. I'm so fucking hopeless, but it's a fairly nice surrender.

Our bodies melt together (we are one) Post crucifixion baby, and all undone.

May I just start out by saying.....Hotel rooms rule all. I can't even begin to explain it. Stupid ineffectual langauge, so wrapped up in our brains. Some people certainly know how to work it though.

Life is like watching fireworks from a submarine. It's lovely.

God rides high up in the ordinary sky....The miracle that was promised creeps quietly by.

I'm so fucking manic it's ridiculous. I have this whole process planned out right now. Things are expanding.

Life is random and interesting and ruthless. Garrett and I had a drunken day yesterday. We took what my friend Aaron called "fashion pictures" but in reality we were just trying to be fucking adorable and thought it was hilarious. A professor of mine that I've known forever sent me an email that made me cry, in a good way. I'm not a crier and am so disturbed by this that I haven't been able to respond to him yet for fear that I will cry again, ha.

Synchronicity abounds. For real this time.

Cleaning...

So Charles, Byron, and I went to Arizona to visit Jeremy this weekend. Pretty much sucked but not for the obvious reasons. I wish I could've relaxed.

Sunday was the 33rd anniversay of Roe v. Wade. Bush decided to proclaim it "National Sanctity of Life Day", saying: "I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to reaffirm our commitment to respecting and defending the life and dignity of every human being." Get Your War On makes me love them even more when they address this.

I Love It.

Looooooooove it.

Fran's a Perv....

ha. Here are the pictures he took from Garrett's party using my camera. He was trying really badly to get a picture of that chick's tits so lets all give him a hand for getting some nipple in there. Also, he is master of red-eye shots.

so...mmm...

Garrett had a party. It was fairly fun. I ate shit twice in a row. There was a lot of "teh gay" present and they drank all of my liquor. Hot tubs are good.

Everything else right now is wacky. The world is making me very aprehensive but my mania won't even let me feel it.

Sushi tonight. Or Not.

Why don't I live in Sweden? Anyone?

Jens Lekman - Kullaberg

if you forget how to feel, reach inside your chest....

Becky and I had this whole day drinking thing going yesterday and it was rad. Margarita Monday, Japanese beer with dinner and then we randomly picked up some of this wine(the cabernet), which was surprisingly really good. It was kind of her last hurrah before school starts. I remain unconcerned about such things since I have no car and thus no school. Untz. I love cave, cavey cave cave.

"happy new year...the world just keeps turning"

2005 was the devil. I really want 2006 to not be so maniacal but we'll see I suppose. It seems like its one of those huge transition times, not just for me, but for almost everyone I know. There are a lot of decisions to come to right now. The older I get, the less of an adult I want to be. My childhood was fucking retardedly bad, I grew up weirdly quickly and had this pseudo-adult life as a teenager and now here I am having already decided at some point that I'm an adult but feeling like I missed out incredibly on being a child and feeling just stuck between them. At least I'm still on the manic side of things so none of this is bumming me out too horribly. If I one day run away to outer mongolia to live in a yurt however, don't be surprised.