Old pictures and whatnot

So I've been going through 8 and a half gigs worth of backups that I have and I've found a lot of old pictures that I never put online or that actually predate my time online....such as this lovely gem of me in my goth days:


or this one of me before I started coloring my hair


There is more goodness over at my picasa gallery and I'll be adding new pics and galleries in the coming days as well.

More Vegas Pictures

Ross's pics are here.

Alex's pics (at least the ones with us in them) are here.

Las Vegas

So here's the recap since the S.F. trip.....Went up to LA to see Chris on Tuesday, that was goodness. Wednesday night Ross flew down, Charles and I went and picked him up. Though Ross was supposed to be staying at my house, what really ended up happening was that we would get drunk at Charles' house, pass out, drive back to my house in the morning and take naps all day. Friday afternoon Charles left work early and we headed out to Vegas. We got stuck in so much traffic that we didn't make it there until about 10.

Once there we started drinking (we brought a cooler full of liquor and beer) and called a bunch of our friends who were in town for Defcon. Walked around casinos in a giant group until someone got the bright idea that we should walk to the MGM. Ross decided that giving me piggy back rides was the way to go so we ran around doing that. Apparently my asscrack was hanging out cause none of my pants fit me so McGettigan put change in my asscrack. I totally made 26 cents on the piggy back ride.

Ross and I got to the escalator up to the MGM way before everyone else so he tried to run up it with me on his back. Bad idea. We fell, ate shit, and got all scratched up. He broke my fall pretty well though. I'm still all fucked up from it. Shit-tons of bruises, scratches, cuts, and soreness.

That night we called Fran when we got back to the hotel and he drove his ass out there. Ross got belligerent and half-naked and bought us roomservice. Fran got in at 5 am, by which time most of us were passed out but we soon woke up to start it all over again.

My pictures are here and here and the captions do tell most of the story. I'm sure there will be more pictures coming, since other people had cameras as well. Highlights of the weekend included getting to eat dinner at Nobu and not having to pay for it and getting a playbill that Eric Idle signed from McGettigan.

In other news I finally saw the Suddenly Millennium skit from MadTV this morning. It was everything I hoped it would be.

Seriously, best webcomic evarrrrr!

I am lazy...

seriously I've cought the lazy virus. It's fucking hard to cure.

So here's my SF recap, even though I know Charles has covered most of this on his bloggypoo: Brett, Charles, and I drove up Thursday night, wasn't a bad drive all in all. Got into Daly City at about 3, stayed up talking with Joe Beck til about 5 and then passed the fuck out. Bruised my hip sleeping on his hardass floor because I am a bone sack at this point. Woke up and Ross drove over to Joe's and we all (except for Joe, who was at work) went and got breakfast at this kickass South American coffee shop where everything was about half the price that it would've been down here, and really fucking good at that.

Went back and picked up Ross's car from Joe's and drove to Ross's place. From there took some public transportation to this pretty cool bar, Zeitgeist, where we drank many pitchers of beer and took ridiculous pictures and Charles tried his damndest to offend some gay guys who were sitting at our table. I made friends with them and they gave me beer. Joe and Bryan both met up with us there. Then we left and walked to some other bar that looked like a cave that a dr. seuss caveman had painted in. I was far too drunk to remember most of the time spent there, though there are pictures.

I got the drunk-hungries so we went to this taqueria that we went to last time we were there. Joe and Charles got into a silly argument about music. I threw a few shots in there, drunkenly. Then Charles molested Joe on the sidewalk in front of the place. We decided to go to this bar on the corner of Ross's block that neither Ross nor Bryan had ever been to, though they'd pretty much lived there all their lives or something. By this point Ross had left to go to work. So Bryan, Charles, and I set off with Brett and Joe trailing behind us. At some point we looked back and they were no longer there. We later called them and found out that they'd hopped some public transport to go to the Castro. Mmmmmk. So we arrive at this bar, "St.Mary's", and the bartender is shitfaced. Like totally slurring her words, doing the "one eye pour", etc. She asks if we want our drinks strong or weak and when I say strong she fills each glass completely. Ha. Some half-asian guy that I swear was gay tried to start a fight with Charles because apparently he and his girlfriend were taking offense to some really lame jokes Charles was making that weren't even offensive in spirit. Then he invited us back to his place to "get fucking smashed" or something. We took that as our cue to leave.

The next day we drove to this place called Calistoga. There was some winery there that had an invite-only open house that Ross's family goes to every year. It was super ritzy and we packed like 15 people into a 7 passenger van to get around the whole "this invitation is good for one car" rule. We canoed and whatnot, capsized boats, and all got sore throats from lake water. I passed out while a lot of the shennanigans were going on because we were all fairly drunk off of beer that we brought. On the way there we stopped in some boonfuck town and apparently everyone thought we were rockstars because people were randomly saying hi to us and there was a limo parked out front which they all thought was ours. Fucking surreal.

We didn't do much that night cause we were all worn out from bothering rich people. The next morning we woke up and went out to breakfast at this diner that we ate at a couple of times last time we were up there. Then Brett decided he wanted to get a Lordi cd, because right before we went up we all developed this obsession with "Blood Red Sandman", ha. So we went to Amoeba in the Haight and the Dresden Dolls were randomly performing there. There were no Lordi cd's however, so we left. Dropped Ross off, then headed home. All in all, super fun. I don't think I could possibly not enjoy spending time in that city. Also any time I'm not at home is also good.

Ross is coming down tonight. He, Charles, and I and whoever else are going to Vegas this weekend, to coincide with but not go to Defcon. I drove home from LA last night at 3:30 am. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't tired the whole way home but I ended up having to resort to wearing earplugs to sleep once I got home. I'm still kind of tired. This house is going to be the death of me, swear to god.

Also, pictures from the trip are up on my Picasa gallery. They are rad.

Oh Drunken Plans...

So Brett, Charles, and I are leaving tonight for San Francisco. We randomly decided this on Monday night while drunk at the bar and now it's happening. Yay. We'll be back Sunday, so it's going to be a fairly short trip but I hope it will be fun. We're planning on seeing Joe and Ross so that should be cool at least.

Now I've got to do a shit ton of mundane things, like laundry, before we leave. Wheee.

I'm always falling over me

I woke up on Sunday morning and felt normal for the first time in months. I know there's a good chance I may never feel that again. I'm still processing that. I'm still processing a lot actually. So it goes.

Oh noes!

My future husband is trapped in Lebanon. /me cries.

In better news I think I'm finally getting paid. My check was sent out last week, or so I hear.

I'd only come here seeking me. It seems I came to leave.

It's interesting when you really start being honest with yourself. About who you are, about your fucking motives. About what drives you. I don't pretend to understand completely what I'm doing right now, but I know I'm not a good person. I've always thought that, I've always said it in a somewhat sarcastic manner, but it really is true.

It's sad when you start realizing the patterns you repeat. And that most people don't really know you. Though I know that's entirely my fault. I'm ridiculously guarded. Maybe I should change it. I'm not really sure. Actually, fuck yes I should. I just realized this while reading over this post. I'm going through this whole "stop fucking hiding things" deal right now. Including aspects of myself. It's all poison and stress and bullshit. It's not as though I'm embarassed or really ashamed of things I do or who I am. I'm not afraid to take responsibility or to feel repercussions. I think I told Raeven every "secret" I have yesterday. Man I am all kinds of "make no sense".

I had this thought earlier that it's a good thing that I haven't been driving much because I'd probably get overwhelming urges to drive into oncoming lanes. Turns out I was right. HA.

Ride the apocalypse!

I ended up sitting on a curb bawling and dry heaving at 5 in the morning. Then I disappeared like an inconsiderate asshole. Disconnect + recklessness = some motherfuckin' fun times.

I came home and went to sleep several hours later. I had a dream. Giant meteors were raining down. Before they hit the ground they would explode in giant showers of bright yellow-orange lava. I can still hear the sound. It was fucking loud. I was in my car and the explosions caused a giant tidal wave. It lifted my car up and everyone I was with died. The wave left me planted on the top of a skyscraper which was also a mountain. I woke up and decided that an hour was long enough to sleep. I never want to again.

Goddamn my symbolic dreams.

I think...

that I've slept for 24 hours out of the past 48. I'm so going into hibernation mode. I really really want my cave. I realized how little interest I have in anything around here. I mean, I know I was kind of over it all to a degree, but I became aware of how profound the feeling was last night. I guess that much is good to know.

I need to make some fucking decisions. I need to get a stupid job so I can actually have some money. Then I need to get the fuck out of here. School can wait, if it needs to. I guess I have to make some sort of decision about where I'm moving to, but that can wait for the time being.

My head isn't working right at the moment. I just woke up. I need to work this all out though.

Jesus Fuck.

How does it all of a sudden feel like it's all falling into place? How is "Beloved" the best song ever even though it's basically a progressive trance song? How are we both so much fucking cooler than we ever were together? Why did tonight kinda feel like a non-sexual cock tease? Le sigh.

Also, anger makes me evil. I'm glad I'm done with it. At least that kind. I'm also in a ridiculously good state of mind right now. Yay for that.

I swear I'm a fucking genius sometimes.

Also, I must say that the weekends where I'm not getting any pretty much blow.

I met a tiny Native psychic tonight. Swear.

Lies are for cool kids...

Garth and I are not cool to a ridiculous degree. UKK represent!

You know what's fun?

Yeah, me either. But I'm determined to find out. It's either this or build a permanent blanket cave.

Which, now that I think about it, would be Fucking Awesome.

Awwww.

So sad. Apparently I've set off some sort of bullshit drama reaction with one of my posts. Sorry, wasn't really aware people who I only know peripherally are for some reason reading my blog. But yeah....it's not like I was naming names. I fucking rant on here. I vent. I'm angry for no fucking reason sometimes. So I said some fucked up things. I also acknowledged that I was being childish and that logically I was in the wrong. So....Get.Over.It. I'm not trying to start some chain reaction bullshit either. I seriously don't care.

Photosmorgasbord

So I'm playing around with Picasa and its new web album thing so all new pictures can be found here, as well as a few older-but-on-the-newer-end
galleries.

I also made public a bunch of galleries that were formerly set to private on my yahoo account though most of them honestly aren't of much interest to anyone but those in the pictures. Ha.

Has it gotten old yet?

Cause it seriously has for me. I swear at this point I'm wary of waking up and making contact with the world because some other sort of bullshit is going to be brought to my attention. In fact, I would have liked to be able to live all day in the nice cocoon of the blanket cave today but the combination of people landscaping and the dogs barking at them since 7:30 this morning has kind of killed that.

Anyway, for someone who hates drama I sure seem to be chock full of it at this point. It's not my fault, I swear! Ha. Stupid insincere people bent on psuedo self-destruction will hopefully have something to answer for. I swear it never fucking ends. Valerie and I went to trivia last night and that stupid cunt was there. HA. I love how she's really done nothing terrible and logically I realize this but I still want to punch her in her stupid "sloppy-drunk/daddy-issues/i-wont-look-at-you-cause-i'm-a-giant-pink-v" face because she's somehow come to represent the dissolution of any sort of normalcy I was starting to have in my life and because I never liked her much to begin with. Also because she totally invaded my sacred ground of pub trivia, which is apparently one more thing I can't do anymore. Woooo. I know I'm being childish and I seriously couldn't fucking care less. I have no respect I'm really worried about losing....actually I have nothing in general I'm really worried about losing. Take that bitches!

Placebo's "Song to Say Goodbye" is kind of on repeat for me right now. Not that I want to be bitter, I've got enough of that naturally without piling extraneous other-human induced bitterness on top of it. The good thing about this, if there is one, is that it's making me semi-motivated only in the hopes that I will never have to see these people and deal with their bullshit again. Honestly, I know I'm a giant fuck-up and a general waste of space when it comes to everyday life but man, seeing it in other people when they actually have things going for them kinda kicks me in the ass. Too bad I need to restart my whole life. I'm nearly certain I'm done with linguistics. Unless I find somewhere with a program I actually like, which doesn't seem likely at this point. So yeah...this should be interesting.

Oh and hell yes, Saved by the Bell: the college years is on. Zach is throwing a rave in his dorm. Screech is "dealing" nitrous. So sweet.

I don't think I'll ever be rid of this sand...

I went to the beach more this weekend than I have in probably the last 3 years combined. Well, during the day anyway. LA beaches are kinda ghetto. Not that I'm terribly concerned.

I've had like an hour and a half of sleep, an hour of which was on the train this morning. Speaking of the train, here's something I learned: I am a giant fucking retarded vagina sometimes. I really need to start pushing my boundaries again.

Some other things I learned:

-Being around groups of people in LA will totally make you remember why you fucking hate that place. People dress up to go to "dive" bars for fuck's sake.

-I am never drinking SoCo again. It was an experiment. It failed. This time instead of becoming a raging cunt I just became a brat. Yay me.

-My insecurities are fucking retarded. Who even knew I had them? Regardless, I need to stop listening to them. They don't matter.

-The reason I come off as so sarcastic at all times is because I have a really hard time being actually sincere in a face-to-face situation. How sad am I?

There's some other stuff. I can barely keep my eyes open as is, however.

Ok I'm awake now. I realized that Monday was the ten year anniversary of Nancy's death. I wrote it on my calendar and everything but I wasn't here on the day so I forgot. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I guess it's good because it's not like I really need to be sadder than I already am. I hope someone remembered it for him though.

Also, I would be perfectly happy never, ever having to come back here again. Raeven is gone this week and leaving for Mexico in like two and a half weeks. Garrett is moving this weekend. Charles decided that having everything, his own life and friends wasn't good enough so he had to take what little remnants there were of mine as well. At this point the closest thing I have to some sort of friend/support-structure thing is my family. Yes, read that again. Now fucking shoot me.

It was...

the sun coming up over the mountain at nearly 6 am. My night was kind of really rad. I hope it was for everyone else.

I think I've had this kid thing all wrong...

Instead of hating them this whole time I really should have been making friends with them. They really are infinitely cooler than adults.