It's interesting when you really start being honest with yourself. About who you are, about your fucking motives. About what drives you. I don't pretend to understand completely what I'm doing right now, but I know I'm not a good person. I've always thought that, I've always said it in a somewhat sarcastic manner, but it really is true.
It's sad when you start realizing the patterns you repeat. And that most people don't really know you. Though I know that's entirely my fault. I'm ridiculously guarded. Maybe I should change it. I'm not really sure. Actually, fuck yes I should. I just realized this while reading over this post. I'm going through this whole "stop fucking hiding things" deal right now. Including aspects of myself. It's all poison and stress and bullshit. It's not as though I'm embarassed or really ashamed of things I do or who I am. I'm not afraid to take responsibility or to feel repercussions. I think I told Raeven every "secret" I have yesterday. Man I am all kinds of "make no sense".
I had this thought earlier that it's a good thing that I haven't been driving much because I'd probably get overwhelming urges to drive into oncoming lanes. Turns out I was right. HA.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I'd only come here seeking me. It seems I came to leave.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
its a process
you're gettin through it
we all are gettin through it
and it's never bad to be honest to yourself.
Maybe we should all go out and find a bumper car ring or something. So we can all run head on into traffic. All the stress relief and none of the death or unnecessary bleeding. Or maybe kill a panda. Always cathartic.
oh yea, sorry about calling you yesterday, I hit the wrong person in my phonebook. =/ was trying to call my boss..... both start with M.
Post a Comment