The same song is stuck in my head as was last New Year's....and going back and reading my post from last January 1st I feel so fucking amazed that through all the shit that happened this last year, not much has changed within me apparently. Though I wish I was on the manic side of things still....how the fuck did the two worst years of my life end up coming exactly 10 years apart anyway? Oh universe....you are a fucking riot.
I had a super fun meltdown last night. I haven't quite recovered from it. At least I've kind of acknowledged the things that I'd been feeling and didn't want to admit. I'm still just as fucking confused as ever though. It's been raining all night and morning....how stupidly fitting. I don't want to be fucking depressed. Also fitting: I'm spending the first day of the new year alone. In a room. Yay me!
Maybe I haven't been trying hard enough, I don't know. I think I lost the sense of adventure and the man pants are just not fitting right now, ha. Bas and I were talking about how "newness" is draining....and it's really true. It's all I've had for 2 months and it's so incredibly overwhelming sometimes. It's weird because everything after last spring was a sort of "newness" for me, but somehow it was exciting or interesting or something. Enough to keep me going and enthused about life and doing things. Enough to not be afraid of anything. I feel fucking weak right now.
Anyhow....maybe I should just go cry like a giant pink V, eh? Haha. Ignore me....look at pictures instead:
Oh....and the song I have stuck in my head?
happy new year
january sky like a slate wiped clean
and stillness of air where nothing has been
wait for your word as if to say
another last chance lives from today
happy new year - the world just keeps turning
day into night, night into day
holding on tight, millions all hoping
something like love will light up the way
dying for change, but the feeling won't last
summer will come and be over too fast
grow into sun, fade into rain
a miniature life to live over again
happy new year - the world just keeps going
tumbling round, screaming through space
holding on tight, millions all hoping
something like love will light up their face
happy new year to everyone hurting
praying this time it all becomes clear
here when the light is pale and uncertain
happy new year
happy new year
It's by a band called Arco....I would listen to it right now because it fits so perfectly but then I think I'd probably off myself...ha. Happy New Year, douchefags.
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