I walked right out of the machinery

Solsbury Hill is kind of my anthem right now. Peter Gabriel wrote it about his fears over leaving Genesis and starting a solo career. It so amazingly articulates everything I feel about my life over the past year, leaving and coming home even though I really didn't want to, being here and having to deal with the tiring bullshit of arranging my life around some sort of "avoidance" that I didn't choose. Particularly about my decision to come back here instead of going up north out of some misguided attempt to help someone who is so far beyond any sort of help I, or anyone really, could give him. As Ross told me this morning, "You should only worry about yourself."

Yeah, I saw Ross randomly before he left, we went out to breakfast. It was cool, you know aside from the whole him being down here all weekend and I didn't even know it. It's not his fault though..."avoidance" and all. There's some synchronicity going on at the moment, I know what it means though. I like Ross, he's very much not full of shit...haha. It seems it's all I can ask for at the moment.

"Solsbury Hill"

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
"Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."
(Back home.)

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."

Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill(mp3 link)