Motherfucking Universe....

when will you stop torturing me with synchronous actions?! This song has been on my mind, in my head, all yesterday and last night and this morning. And then bam....it's on one of my top mp3 blogs this morning. It makes me feel kinda batty. Anyway, go download it. If you like bands that sound kinda like the buzzcocks and sing about space travel and whatnot anyway. I think I've loved this song for most of my life because of that ;)

The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet I'm not linking directly to the file, because that would be rude. You all know how to navigate.

My nerd parts are all tingly......

Ok seriously....this could possibly be the best thing ever. Joss Whedon, Warren Ellis, comment war, internet.....it's like a fucking geekiness overload. In fact, I think I just came.

Even more proof of my nerdtastic nature....I was introduced to Warren Ellis because he has the same name as my favourite violinist. Yeah that's right bitches, I have a favourite violinist.

I want to suffer in your arms, And when you're naked in the dark....

Wow. Tuesday night was an exercise in frustration that carried me over into Wednesday. Everything I tried to do to alleviate the matter just compounded everything. By the end of the day I felt like a fucking whore, albiet one that was laughing about it. So I did what any one who is exactly like me would do and I got fucking wasted. Stayed up until 5 am doing strange and stupid things. Woke up still drunk. I know, I'm fucking fantastic, I couldn't bear to hear it again.
My hand is the devil. I've been wanting to sketch and things and I can't so I spent all day doing other kinds of stupid art projects. I've also been looking at Trevor Brown's art, which is entirely not safe for work or any other place really. I absolutely love it.
I'm looking for something to read. All of my books are still in boxes, though that's kind of irrelevant anyway because all I've got queued up for reading are non-fiction books and I'm seriously craving some fiction. Any suggestions?

"We are more than most will ever find"

Coincidence is neat. As I said before I've been reading a lot of Baudelaire. Friday Desi came over with wine that had a Baudelaire quote on the cork. Today I bought an album with a song called Baudelaire on it.
Friday Desi and I listened to the Sisters of Mercy, who were my favourite band in high school when I was a little goth chick. I told her I wish I had First and Last and Always on CD because I only have it on vinyl and I like it best. Today I found it on CD for 99 cents.
And Joe knows all about my Food Network ESP.
It's really enough to make a girl insane ;)
Tonight I've been looking at art. Art that I don't normally seek. The first time I ever looked at Kurt Halsey Fredricksen's work it made me cry. I was in a fairly bad place though. It's fairly emo, fairly hip, I like it anyway. It's cute, it's everything I never look for in art and certainly everything I never create in art. I like pain too much. From all sides.
Little Rocket is darker but just as adorable. I don't know how people do that. I'm entirely too agressive for it.
Penelope Dullaghan isn't nearly as interesting, but I seriously love "Wall Flower" like I can't describe.

I'm working on some things right now, forcing myself out of my borders and limits and comforts. I dig it. I've also pretty much given up on sleep. It really is for the weak.

"everyone's a winner now cause everyone's a sinner now"

Life has been fucking amazing the past couple of weeks. I was in San Francisco for 5 days. I would have been perfectly happy never coming back. It was fantastic. I've barely seen anyone since I've been back and I'm perfectly fine with that. Ha.
I've been such an artfag lately. Reconnecting with my little goth-girl roots I suppose, I've reread Venus in Furs, Story of the Eye, and a shit ton of Baudelaire. And I write this as I utterly rock out to The Brithday Party. I'm so fucking hopeless, but it's a fairly nice surrender.

Our bodies melt together (we are one) Post crucifixion baby, and all undone.

May I just start out by saying.....Hotel rooms rule all. I can't even begin to explain it. Stupid ineffectual langauge, so wrapped up in our brains. Some people certainly know how to work it though.

Life is like watching fireworks from a submarine. It's lovely.

God rides high up in the ordinary sky....The miracle that was promised creeps quietly by.

I'm so fucking manic it's ridiculous. I have this whole process planned out right now. Things are expanding.

Life is random and interesting and ruthless. Garrett and I had a drunken day yesterday. We took what my friend Aaron called "fashion pictures" but in reality we were just trying to be fucking adorable and thought it was hilarious. A professor of mine that I've known forever sent me an email that made me cry, in a good way. I'm not a crier and am so disturbed by this that I haven't been able to respond to him yet for fear that I will cry again, ha.

Synchronicity abounds. For real this time.

Cleaning...

So Charles, Byron, and I went to Arizona to visit Jeremy this weekend. Pretty much sucked but not for the obvious reasons. I wish I could've relaxed.

Sunday was the 33rd anniversay of Roe v. Wade. Bush decided to proclaim it "National Sanctity of Life Day", saying: "I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to reaffirm our commitment to respecting and defending the life and dignity of every human being." Get Your War On makes me love them even more when they address this.

I Love It.

Looooooooove it.

Fran's a Perv....

ha. Here are the pictures he took from Garrett's party using my camera. He was trying really badly to get a picture of that chick's tits so lets all give him a hand for getting some nipple in there. Also, he is master of red-eye shots.

so...mmm...

Garrett had a party. It was fairly fun. I ate shit twice in a row. There was a lot of "teh gay" present and they drank all of my liquor. Hot tubs are good.

Everything else right now is wacky. The world is making me very aprehensive but my mania won't even let me feel it.

Sushi tonight. Or Not.

Why don't I live in Sweden? Anyone?

Jens Lekman - Kullaberg

if you forget how to feel, reach inside your chest....

Becky and I had this whole day drinking thing going yesterday and it was rad. Margarita Monday, Japanese beer with dinner and then we randomly picked up some of this wine(the cabernet), which was surprisingly really good. It was kind of her last hurrah before school starts. I remain unconcerned about such things since I have no car and thus no school. Untz. I love cave, cavey cave cave.

"happy new year...the world just keeps turning"

2005 was the devil. I really want 2006 to not be so maniacal but we'll see I suppose. It seems like its one of those huge transition times, not just for me, but for almost everyone I know. There are a lot of decisions to come to right now. The older I get, the less of an adult I want to be. My childhood was fucking retardedly bad, I grew up weirdly quickly and had this pseudo-adult life as a teenager and now here I am having already decided at some point that I'm an adult but feeling like I missed out incredibly on being a child and feeling just stuck between them. At least I'm still on the manic side of things so none of this is bumming me out too horribly. If I one day run away to outer mongolia to live in a yurt however, don't be surprised.

movere

I moved. It is the devil. I'll be moving again shortly if things go the way they should. Yay.

I think I'm fairly fucking manic. It makes drinking fun.

Apparently I've made a habit of it....

So, Mute records is probably my favourite major label. They are good. Go here and listen to good things from their catalogue for free (they have better stuff in their U.K. section, so if they throw you to the U.S. site don't listen to them). I've been listening to the Boys Next Door for probably two weeks now, because I'm addicted to "After a Fashion" and "Shivers". Apparently they make me want to die in a good way. Mmmhmm.

Sometimes, like now, I wish I didn't talk so much. I am utterly fucking serious, but make of it what you will.

I give up.

This site pretty much just caused me to have a fucking breakdown.

Take that alcohol!

I got drunk last night and had a dandy time. So there! Ended up going to Churchill's with someone I suppose I shall call a "reclaimed friend". Times are weird. Saw my ex there. Avoided talking to him for no other reason than I was really drunk and I honestly have no idea what I'd have to say to him other than "hey". I hate running into people I used to be close to and haven't seen in forever. At this point we might as well be strangers as far as I'm concerned. Oh and the weird part was that he was there with people that are friends with the friend I was there with. Synchronicity abounds. Or perhaps just fucking coincidence that is funny, no?

Packing is the devil. I seriously hate moving. Especially since I just did it 5 months ago. The only semi-amusing thing about it is that you find things you haven't seen in a while. Like CDs of IRC logs from long ago. Mmmyep. #temp bitches....or something like that.

My heart is really on it's knees...and every other line from "shivers"..

So I'm drunk. And this is the first time I've actually been drunk in a while. I don't think I can get drunk anymore. I've figured out that it doesn't mesh so well with the whole "being dead inside" deal. It just makes me realize how sad I really am. And if I wanted that then I'd just stop forcing myself not to feel things. Fucking. Gravity.

What?

I think since I decided to get in touch with my inner zombie all of my senses hate me. Right now all the wine I drink tastes like sake, which normally wouldn't be a bad taste except for that the last time I drank sake I puked a lot and passed out in the shower. Also, all I can smell is Sharpie.