Everything there ever was, and will be, is all there is.

So despite all of my promises of never going back to San Diego, I will be doing just that this coming Wednesday. Sadly someone I was very close to in high school passed away and although he and I were no longer close it's left me in a strange place mentally, as it's also done to many people I love.

It's been a strange past 48 hours. I'm so stuck in my head right now. I feel so amazingly connected to a time in my past that I've done my damndest to sever all connections with. Those years were so important and so formitive but so fucking painful. And now it's all so damn raw and on the surface of every thought I have and every action I make. I'm not that person anymore, I'm not trying to be, but I realize that she still lives inside of me somewhere.

I'm trying to focus on what's good and present and real and alive right now: I have amazing friends both here and there who love me and I love them. There's a guy out there with the same color toenails as me and spending time with him makes me pretty damn happy. I get to spend 4 days with my best friend and do nothing but lie on a beach in the sun and be a little emo and get a sunburn. And strangest of all, being this aware and this connected to my emotions has made me feel alive in a completely remarkable way.

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Word to the wise:

Resourceful and decisive are two things that EVERYONE should learn how to be.

Garden, Day 5: The Sproutening!

The mache is the only thing that hasn't sprouted, but it takes quite a bit longer.






God, I LOVE growing things.

More Food: Lunch, Quinoa Pilaf

Quinoa Pilaf, originally uploaded by primalux.

Saute shallots, mushrooms, and peppers in olive oil. Add greens (I used collards, arugula, some other spring baby greens) and edamame. Salt. Add cooked quinoa, I cook mine with beef or mushroom stock to really amp up the umami. Finish with a good white wine vinegar. Trust on this last step. The acid does it. I CRAVE this dish constantly.

More Food: Breakfast

Breakfast, originally uploaded by primalux.

Crostini with goat cheese and fresh basil. Topped with sauteed mushrooms, tomatoes, and orange bell peppers. Poached eggs on top of that.

The Bitter and Sick and Die Alones - Hurt is all I get (Live at Atalante)

This song takes my breath away. So amazing. So beautiful.

Best Salad Ever

Best Salad Ever, originally uploaded by primalux.

My dinner tonight: spring greens, romaine, purple cabbage, carrots, orange bell pepper, cucumber, tomato, edamame. Dressed in olive oil, seasoned rice vinegar, smoked sea salt, freshly ground pepper.

With a Greyhound to drink.

The garden is a go:

More pictures here.

So I'm growing spearmint and basil, which are the two actual plants in the pictures, as well as mustard greens, collard greens, broccoli rabe, mache, and kale. I also bought seeds to grow sprouts, alfalfa and mung bean.

And now I wait. And try to learn that thing called "patience".

New Mix

Random Thought

This has occurred to me twice today so it probably means something a little more real than random: I much prefer dating intelligent, knowledgeable men with no real formal education to guys who learned everything they know, including the ways they think and process, because they went to school and got a degree. There's a lack of structure in the former that I find so much more interesting and intriguing. And, let's be honest, more authentic.

Tallest Man on Earth

Dear Sweden,
Please keep making beautiful men who make creative, honest, amazing music and I will carry your torch FOREVER.
Love, Marie
P.S. Tallest Man on Earth is playing the Fillmore in September. WHO WANTS TO GO??

Ugh. Stop it. You're perfect.

My last three meals.

Most recent up top. Click through to flickr for descriptions and ingredients.

Le. Sigh.

Beautiful amazing boy from last summer emailed me again. He's still on the other side of the world but every time I hear from him I swoon just a touch. He's a little bit of magic.

Garden Planning

I am so excited about having a garden again, I can't even tell you guys. I live in basically THE foggy, cold neighborhood of San Francisco, which normally I like to bitch about. The rest of the city will have sun and a degree of warmth but my house and my park are just grey and cold. I'm finding it pretty serendipitous that the exact things I'm interested in growing, lots of greens primarily, actually prefer this weather. This makes me a happy lady. I'm going to be growing some herbs too, but I think I'll just keep those inside in front of my bay window, which faces west. The only sun we often get here is in the late afternoon, so this will allow them to take full advantage of that.
This morning has just been all research, research, research. When I finish this coffee I'm gonna take a break and make myself something delicious to eat. Then it's off to work. YAY BUSY LIFE.